1512

This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from January to December 1512.

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1512 was a year that preceded 1513 and came after the disaster that was 1511. A great many things happened in 1512, none of which you would know about, or maybe even care about. Therefore in the pursuit of granting free and potentially useless knowledge to the masses, the most important happenings have been compiled here for your viewing pleasure (I swear, if you jerk off to this one more time...)

1512 on Earth

Mr. Nilsson regretted the 1o kroner gas station sushi purchase

January

• January 2 - Eric the Troll is elected regent of Sweden after Mr Nilsson dies on the toilet of explosive poop.

March

• March 12 - The Pope formally declares his hatred of France by ordering the French king to hand the throne of France over to the English.

April

• April 11 - The French in their anger proceed to mistake the Spanish for the English and slaughter nearly 9,000 troops and 17,000 civilians.

May

• May 12 - The English, (still mad they didn't get the French throne yet, arrive in France via naval armada, and burn down an entire port at Brest.

July

• July 12 - The treaty of Da Boys is signed between France and Navarre that says they will stay neutral in the fights against Castile and Aragon (because Spain cannot seem to agree on being one country and has like 4 kings at this time).
• July 23 - Stencil the Younger replaces the Troll as king of Sweden after beating him in a chess match.

August

• August 10 - The English navy beats the French navy in a friendly game of "launch a cannonball into your ship." Both sides lose their flagships when they blow up together as a sign of friendship.

September

• September 1st - Giovanni Lorenzo Cheese Medici rescues Florence from those nasty Frenchies.

IM BOUTTA GRADUUUUATE!

October

• October 19 - Martin Luther King becomes a doctor of theology, graduating "summa-us cum louder" from the University of Anarchia.
• October 21 - Mr. Luther joins the University of Wittenburg to pursue theology and to have easier access to the famed ham "bergers" of germany.

November

• November 1 - The Sistine Chapel is open to the public for the first time. Viewers are fascinated by the full frontal imagery, and many are kicked out after displaying noticeable erections. Those with actual taste appreciate the skill and beauty.
• November 10 - The Pope proposes that all French people should be banned from Italy after so many years of poor management.

December

• December 27 - The Spanish monarchy put in a place a set of laws on how to treat the Indians in the New World (no more than 3 rapes per week!)

Lord Emperor Khaled with one of his many, many hoes

Dates Unknown

• Ponce de Leon discovers the Turks and Caicos, DJ Khaled immediately elected as Lord Emperor of the isles.
• Copernicus begins to write the paper that will get him placed in house arrest and start the astro-nerd war of 1569.
• YOU, also known as the "Monster of Ravenna," were born, signifying a very ill omen indeed. You had one horn, a bird leg with an eye for a knee, and looked vaguely hermaphroditic as well.

Deaths

• February 22 - The guy who got the Americas named after him finally croaks.

1512 Elsewhere

January

• January 7 - Zephod Beeblebrox comes to power as the leader of the universe.
• January 29 - Gorble VII defeats the Orgonians in a battle with casualties amounting to over 7,000,000 on both sides. Declared a phyrric victory as both planets are left destroyed and uninhabitable.

February

• February 9 - First filmed evidence of FTL flight is shown on Callisto, taken by an amateur photographer named Belungi.

December

• December 31 - Mars is formally declared unfit for habitation and crossed off the "grand universal list of habitable planets."