“In Soviet Russia, Wagen volks YOU!!!”
Volkswagens, like other species of automobiles are a kind of automated carriage or buggy that does not require horses to move them forward (or, in most cases, even backward!) Volkswagens are also famous for that new car smell, which in reality, is the smell of too much hot steel covered in plastic and paint. Famous Volkswagens include the Herbie the Love Bug and Fillmore from Radiator Springs.
Volkswagens are today manufactured by the Reichsfolksblitzkriegswagenwerke AG located in the town of Whoreburg, Germany.
The vehicle known as za Beetle began in das fatherland during vorld var two ven Adolf Hitler vanted a car for za master race. It vas to be an automobile to be produced in large bumbers at cheap costs, and have good relyability, provided das driver vas not a jew. In fact, Adolf Hitler said zat das timing belt vould last for von sounsand years! das Mark I VW Beetle was designed to run on liquified Jews, though das turbocharged GTI Beetle required Liquified Gypsies. Records from za Volksvagon factories show zat das concentration camps were used only to optain fuel for das Übervehicles. Zis vold come to big surprise to za modern people who vold doubt volksvagons actions during za var.
After Das Var
After Vorld-Var-Two Volksvagon stuggled to recover from it's nazi reputation. One problem vas zier acents und zier love of shnitzles. Zay took a class in speaking like people who didn't invade poland...and it paid off. However, their product line required major retooling. Engines Designed in the Third Reich to run on concentration camp victims needed to be made to run on petrol. For this they invented the first hybrid system, that was later incorperated into the Toyota Prius. They also developed the first satellite navigation system. Dispite these innovations, volkswagons did not sell well, mainly do to slip ups that revealed they were still nazis, such as their hybrids being only recharable with national socialist speaches and their GPS system only giving directions to Poland.
The Rabbit, GTI, V-dub, und za 180's comeback
Like many things in the early 80's Volkswagens sucked. However, with the introduction of the Rabbit they were back in business. The Rabbit was a furry version of the beetle that hopped, had sex a lot, but did not remind people of Hitler (at least not too much). The GTI was an unpimped version of the rabbit that ran on shnitzles and was made popular by the V-dub commercials, which featured the germans sticking zer shnizles into za car und giving das rabbit das shuck und fuck. This gave Volkswagen back some of their German-ness, and helped them become more popular.
The New Beetle
Volkswagon had found in the 90's that had lost the queer car market to the Ford Mustang Convertible. They needed something cute, retro, and something that screamed "I like to take it in the ass!" (as aposed to the Mustangs, and for that the Mini's "I like to pound ass!" image). It came in the form of a homosexual version of the rabbit. This way the gay subculture (second only to shitzer in Germany) could telly who was a top and who was a bottom more readily. The old Beetle's engine was reconfigured to run on liquifed puffsters, which were left over from World War Two, and also being produced by god fearing southern boys with tire irons and hydroflouric acid. This helped help the engine run in a more fabulous manner. Afew strait men bought Beetles, but even they turned gay after the timing belt broke (which this time didn't last for von sousand years, as people who were to be eliminated in the final solution were behind the wheel. Despite these flaws, the Beetle was a sexual car.