User:Deadpool992/Deathlok
Deathlok are a group of cyborgs created by U.S. President George W. Bush, Oscar Wilde, Sanjaya Malakar, and Christopher Walken. There have been many Deathloks over the years, the first being Luther Vandross.
Deathlok Mark One: Luther Vandross[edit | edit source]
Luther Vandross was once an accomplished musician who made the world peaceful with his songs about peace and John Lennon. However, Kim Jong Il wanted him dead. He sent an army of gays to brutally rape him. As he died of an infected asshole, George Bush ordered his body recovered. He sent a covert team to recover the body and they added robot body parts that they had stolen from Soulja Boy. Luther was revived and was given the name Deathlok because he died and was locked in that robot form. I know it sounds gay, but Bush is retarded.
Operation: Transexual[edit | edit source]
Vandross had many missions, but his most famous is Operation: Transexual. He was sent by Bush to discover if Hilary Clinton was a lesbian. Instead, Luther discovered that Clinton was in fact a transexual. This led to Clinton declaring war on all non tranny people, which would later be called Wold War III. Deathlok ended up leading a covert team dubbed the X-Men and fought many battles. However, he died as he sacrificed himself to save the world's supply of porno. His body buried next to the Pope's and some nigga's.
Deathlok Mark Two: Jason Todd[edit | edit source]
After the death of Luther Vandross, Bush was really depressed as the war was still going on and he was being ass raped by Bill Clinton every four hours. He then saw a newscast that Jason Todd had been killed by the Joker, who was working for Clinton. He sent a gay man to get the body. Todd was reborn as he was given Luther Vandross's robot penis. It grew and grew and grew until Todd became a robot. Under his leadership, he sent a bomb to Hilary Clinton's vagina and exploded it so she would become a man again. Clinton was arrested and she was punished by having Janet Reno rape her in jail every night.
Death[edit | edit source]
Sadly, Deathlok died while saving Dick Cheney from exploding after eating too much watermelon. His body was sent to Japan, where he now works as a vending machine.
Deathlok Mark Three: Victor Stone[edit | edit source]
Victor Stone is the first Deathlok that doens't look so fucked up. He was in a car crash that was caused by Britney Spears. He was saved by Larry Craig, who gave him the abilties to become another Deathlok. However, he is largely though not to exist and is not a true Deathlok because he is a fag. He died after he fell into water, which caused him to short circuit.
Deathlok Mark Four: Alex Murphy[edit | edit source]
Yea that guy was a Deathlok too. He was a cop who was killed after he ate kitty litter filled with poop. He became a Deathlok, but was in fact a communist faggot, so they let him become RoboCop.
Deathlok Mark Five: Phil Collins[edit | edit source]
Phil Collins ended up dying at age 900. He became a Deathlok and fought Michael Jackson. He was molested too many times and died.
Deathlok Mark Six: John Frusciante[edit | edit source]
John Frusciante was a friend of Jason Todd. He became Deathlok to avenge Jason's death. He became the most successful Deathlok and turned England into a police state dubbed 1984. He ended up kicking the shit out of Europe as he watched Full House.
The High School Musical Affair[edit | edit source]
Frusciante became enraged that High School Musical was coming to 1984. This pissed him off so much that he started sending robots out to the plane and asking them to fuck him. They refused and the plane was destroyed. Fearing an all out war, Deathlok turned all the cast members into Deathloks. They remain his butt buddies to this day.
War with Borat[edit | edit source]
John never liked Borat. This caused him to launch a war against Borat's Kazakhstan. People died and Borat decided that he must make love to Deathlok. He accepted and they married on 911.
Other Versions[edit | edit source]
Some other versions of Deathlok have existed throughout our time.
Michael Collins[edit | edit source]
In a world where John Frusciante never became Deathlok, Phil Collin's adopted African son Michael became Deathlok. He went back in time and he fought numerous threats that were Michael Jackson related until he fought the big boss man himself. Collins ended up killing Jackson, but Chuck Norris came and beheaded him. Since Frusciante has become Deathlok, it is unknown if Collins will take on the legacy.
Prototype Deathloks[edit | edit source]
The original Deathloks looked like Frankenstein fucked a Wookie. They were created by Ronald Reagan and the Reagan Administration. They were really retarded and changed sides from helping America to helping Osama Bin Laden and his gay lover Saddam Hussein.
Suspected Deathloks[edit | edit source]
Numerous people are thought to be Deathloks in disguise. The following are suspected Deathloks.
- Chuck Norris
- Clint Eastwood
- John Mark Karr
- Kelly Clarkson
- Kobe Bryant
- Cable the Larry Guy
- <insert name here>
- Tony Blair
- Lindsay Lohan
- Topanga Lawrence
- Meg Griffin
- Larry Craig
- Fred Phelps
- Michael Richards
- John Wayne Gacy
- Transformers
- Soulja Boy
- Duran Duran
- MC Hammer
- Monica Lewinsky
- Aaron Burr
- Lee Harvey Oswald
- Brian Jones
- King George III
- Billy Ray Cyrus
- Hannah Montana
- Bob Saget
- Pat Robertson
