Great Lord Móckasiin of Moccasinia
Jacques Noir (April 3, 1954-present), better known as Great Lord Móckasiin, was formerly the ruler of Moccasinia, a land where absolutely everything is made out of moccasins. Known for his catchphrase "TO MOCK ME IS A SIN", it is believed that he had began to hate the shoes that formed the very foundation of his nation, because he was just tired of seeing so many fucking moccasins.
Along with Knife Guy, Knife Girl*, and the penguins, Móckasiin was one of the original villains of the "A story built one word at a time" series of children's books and cautionary tales.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Jacques Noir was originally just a random guy from France, except that he was known to have killed his whole family to bring him to a high and powerful place on the social hierarchy of his peers. It is believed that some time circa 1968, Noir began a race war in Rhodesia.
Rise to power[edit | edit source]
Noir entered Muohkasen, capital city of the small and unstable nation of Moccasinia, and captured the real Lord Móckasiin, son of Mohkásin, in 1981. He took the real Móckasiin's clothing and cooked him alive inside a giant muffin, then served the muffin at a royal feast. When Mohkásin, the apparent seventieth great-grandson of the moccasin god Mohkááwŝen, died, Noir, now believed to be the real Móckkasiin, received the title of Emperor Of All The Leather Shoes That You Must Walk Two Moons In In Order To Judge The Leather Shoes' Owner (E.O.A.T.L.S.T.Y.M.W.T.M.I.I.O.T.J.T.L.S.O.).
As ruler of Moccasinia[edit | edit source]
For many years, Móckasiin was well-respected yet feared by the Moccasinians. Móckasiin sent John and his pal on a mission to destroy an unnamed Uncyclopedia admin, and John and some random Uncyclopedia user went on to kill this admin. Móckasiin's next target was said random Uncyclopedia user, who was well aware of their persecution. This user hid inside a shack not far from Ojai. When this shack was located by John and his comrade, the shack was found to be empty, so John and his partner fucked each other instead.
John and his partner eventually turned against Móckasiin, who now wanted the pair dead for... something. So the pair fled to the town of "You don't give a shit", where they encountered Selaw Obmij. Unbeknownst to the pair, Obmij communicated with Móckasiin and the god Mokkááwŝen through a shrine. Somehow, the racism quadrupled at this point.
Móckasiin then wasted a large amount of money on lottery tickets, then used a fundraising campaign that only earned him two dollars.
Fall and expulsion from Moccasinia[edit | edit source]
Eventually Móckasiin's credit card was revealed, showing that his real name was Jacques Noir and that he was born in France. Móckasiin was then escorted from Moccasinia with a few moccasin-shaped tanks, and now roams the woods, surviving by selling moccasins for money, eating berries off bushes, and drinking water from rivers.
Mechasin[edit | edit source]
Noir was converted into a knockoff kaiju, "Mechasin", by the U.S. army. He then left lakes across the west coast of the USA and Canada like Paul Bunyan. He betrayed his commander and decided to Godzilla the shit out of Japan.
The Future of Moccasinia?[edit | edit source]
As the votes of the gods have been cast, Moccasinia has had three outcomes occur at once: Luna will become the new ruler of Moccasinia, Moccasinia will become a theocracy (therefore giving Luna access to Mokkááwŝen's underground shrine), and Moccasinia will be destroyed using an excess of nuclear weapons. Don't get me started with World War Moccasin! Third time's a charm!
Death (?)[edit | edit source]
An EYE BEAM-activated electromagnetic force relased by YOU and the god Mokkááwŝen completely disabled Mechasin (which collapsed onto the ground), and Noir was released from the brain of Mechasin (located behind a hatch in the bio-mechanical giant's back.) Noir crawled out of Mechasin and asked to be shot and buried with Luna, so Jon shot him with a tranquilizer dart and buried him alive with Luna.
Timeline disruption[edit | edit source]
John has went back in time to save the world from utter destruction! The future of the Moccaverse is in your hands!
See also[edit | edit source]
- UnNews:Lord Móckasiin exposed as an illegitimate ruler
- A story built one paragraph at a time
- John, the main character of the series
- Luna
Notes[edit | edit source]
Knife Girl is believed to be "gender fluid", which is apparently just a fancy way of saying that Knife Girl was just Knife Guy in disguise this whole time. Or vice versa, like anyone gives a shit (I had to google it.) Unfortunately no one realized by the time this article was written.
