|Award of Confusion!
Apparently this article is damned funny. It is not an inside joke or vanity page, but you pretty much need a PhD to get it. Or so we've been told, most of us seem to prefer humour involving masturbation and/or Jesus. The author may have been masturbating over a picture of Jesus. You can send him to hell by giving him an atomic fisting.
This is both an award and a warning, direct as used.
We're going to a hockey game tonight. Wanna come along? You'll have to land some tickets. Ticketmaster is where I land mine. That place is da bomb! Those Presidents of the United States of America concerts next month are already in danger of selling out. And I got front row seats, man! It'll be smokin'!
But I couldn't plan our holy war attack so that it would suit everybody. I mean Mike has his weekly golf training, Joe always has his ranch to care for.
I was just on the phone with Suzie. We went on a date last night. You were there? I didn't notice you on the radar. Hey, did you see her? Jihad on this really skimpy dress. I tell you, her body is a weapon of mass destruction. I think my troops are advancing. I mean then some lucky chap'll get to paradise y'know!
What happened in the movie? Refreshments, let's see... I bought the nachos with a bit of weapons of mass destruction - washed it down with some sarine gas. In the movie, the bad guy's name is "Rogue." Rogue states, "I'm going to kill you." Oh, sorry, I wouldn't want to leak the plot's secrets.
Oh, forgot. Where was I? We then had the great idea of going to the world trade center and pressing all the elevator buttons! After a while we remembered what my roommate Osama bin Laden did a couple of years ago. He's sooo not borrowing my Britney spears records anymore! You don't mess up my plan unpunished!
Anyway, I have to be in the office early tomorrow to catch up on that contract... of genocide. I plan on getting it in by Thursday. For a few weeks now we've been supplying terrorists with arms. The boss threatened to fire me right out the door on a missile yesterday. I'll be in peace talks with him. It's slow going; the guys a cipher. Anyway we ended up choosing the C4 explosive for the engineering job, it's really deadly against innocent civilians. The expense accounts... bombs!! Financially, they're... guns! I... Civilian deaths! Grenades! Nuclear weapons!
Hold on, I gotta go. Someone's knocking at my door....