British Columbia

Colombia was originally the primary South American exporter of cocaine. But they don't take their own business, Americans and western Europeans do.

The People's Republic of British Colombia (a.k.a. British California or Coca-Colombia) was originally a small South American drug-exporting nation which slipped into the Pacific Ocean one night during a particularly violent storm, eventually washing up on the Wet Coast of Canada.

Initially the Colombians were far too stoned to notice but, after ingesting massive amounts of coffee in an attempt to keep warm, the notorious Colombian dictator Björk Edmond Auskutenfrütkn began to realise the full magnitude of the disaster and hastily gathered a landing party to invade nearby Washington state and begin the long, slow trek southward.

The fledgling Colombian colony, the District of Colombia, was soon founded with little resistance as there was little else of importance in Washington. The opposition that existed was generally stifled by the widespread practise of granting pot as a gift of peace. Animosity between young Colombia and the remainder of British North America (then known as Gringoland) continued to simmer under the smoky veneer of drug addiction.

With the advent of the personal computer, a decision was reached after much cocaine abuse to sell the entire Washington State to Microsoft and move the District of Colombia elsewhere in the US.

Republic of Colombia

Awkwardly, the spot chosen by drug-lord Marion Berry for the new location of the District of Colombia was somewhere between Maryland and Virginia - east when the homesick Colombians actually wanted to be heading south. Rather than admit the error, Juan named the new settlement Washington, DC and watched as congressional districts across the nation voted to send their dumbest and dopiest citizens to the new drug capital.

Once there, America's stoners were to commission the construction of the exploding space shuttle Colombia, eventually pinning blame for the destruction of this ship on the left-wing in the finest of US partisan tradition.

Amidst all the drug-induced confusion in Washington DC, Bjork managed to slip away and head home to her fictional cocoon, causing a rift in the space-time continuum; fictionally, she is still sitting with her feet up sharing a nice warm cup of South American coffee with Juan Valdez.

Sadly she had to leave her favourite donkey behind, stuck in Washington DC occupying a seat in the US Senate next to Ted Kennedy.

The musical group BC/DC uses heavy metal for friendship between British Colombia and District Colombia.

The threat of Red China, used to trick Hong Kong's people into moving to BC in 1997

Hong Kong West

With all of the original Colombian settlers gone, Canada was hard-pressed to find people even marginally willing to colonize the remote centres of Vancouver and Victoria.

Learning that Hong Kong was holding a "lease expired" sale in 1997, the wily Canadians tricked the capitalists of that city that to avoid the impending communist Made in China fate they should move to Canada and build a railroad from coast to coast. When the railroad scheme failed to attract enough immigrants, the decision was made to change the name to British Columbia, so the people of Hong Kong who didn't want to be Chinese could remain British.

The railroad across all of Canada scheme turned out to be a hoax (alas, there is no Newfie Bullet as The Rock is today completely devoid of railroad tracks).

The scams eventually worked well enough to convince foreigners to settle in British Columbia, a Canadian province which while now prosperous under its new Hong Kong ownership has nonetheless all but forgotten its original Colombian roots, except for the love of marijuana, which extends from the oldest cougar to the fetus in the womb. So revered is this naughty substance that tunnelling funds originally intended to extend the pathetic SkyTrain network were diverted to building an underground railway between two houses on either side of the United States border so that these Canadians can share the joy with their neighbours.

Stoner capital of the world

If you like to smoke weed and get the munchies for weeks, BC is your paradise. The Royal Canadian Cross-country Skiing Police are so lazy they don't mind if you spark one up. However you can be denied entry if you don't own a bong. A beer bong will grant you temporary citizenship.

BC-STV

Citizens of British Columbia recently voted on a new system called the BC-STV (Super Train Vitesse), also known as the RAV line, which was deemed too fair a transit system and lost due to having popular support. Translink officials have commented with the cryptic, "Screw all y'alls."

Countries of South America

Canada, eh? Places: Alaska • Aquadia • Atlantis • British California • Cape Breton • Delta • Deadmonton • Florida • Manisnowba • Some Parts of Michigan • Montreal • Nouveau Brunswick • New Scotland • Northworst Territories • Celine Dion • NunavOOt • Ontariariario • Ottawa • Prince Edward Island • Quebec and the City • Regina • St. Pierre and Miquelon • Sasquatchewan • Sasquatchatoon • Saudi Oilberta • Surrey • Toronto • Vancouver • The Territory of Yukon Territory Culture: CBC • Canadian Bacon • beer • Cougars • Bigfoot • Killer moose • Caribou • Colour • FLQ • Hockey • Silly football • Ice bowling • Poutine • Ram Ranch • Sheep made out of snow • Studebaker Lark • Timmies • My sojourn • People who, like, live in igloos eh? • Canadians: A Retrospective People: Avril • Bieber • Kris Wu • Deadpool • Jack Black • Rodney McKay • Someone you may have heard of, only for a couple of years • The Weeknd • Van Buren • Vic Toews Prime Ministers: Abbott • Borden • Campbell • Chrétien • Clark • Diefenbaker • Harper • King • Laurier • Martin • Meighen • Mulroney • Pearson • Thompson • P. Trudeau Politics: A Day in the Life of the Prime Minister • Conservative Party of Canada • Conservative Reform Alliance Party • Liberal Party of Canada • New Democratic Party • Communist Party of Canada • Canadian Elections • Canadian Constitutional Law • Canada-US relations • We stand on guard for thee

Famous British Columbians

• Chris Ingvaldson - Accomplished educator and athelete
  
• B.D. Jones - Trillionaire businessman and certified genius (see his official site)
• Pamela Anderson - Athlete