User talk:Hyperbole/Wendy Thomas
Pee Review[edit source]
Wendy Thomas[edit source]
Hey, so I took this out of the ICU and completely rewrote it. I think that if I didn't write it, it might make me chortle a bit...? I'd like to improve it: You can help!! --Hyperbole 01:50, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
| Wendy Thomas is being reviewed by Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him |
- Hey Hyperbole. I've seen your job on Pee Review. Maybe consider putting in a membership request at PEEING? Anyways, let's see your article... • <May 04, 2008 [23:21]>
| Humour: | 5.7 | Hey Hyperbole. I can't tell if I'll like this or not from just a quick glance. I will say this: I can't tell what you're rewritten or what, so just take it all in. Take the criticism and do stuff to correct whatever problems there are: that's the best advice I can give. But you do pee reviews, so you know that already. To see my score scale, go to User:Cajek/P.
=1= Introduction [ 6 ]: Those quotes? Pretty damn funny, except for the hat one. Try to have as few quotes at the top as you can. The introduction is somewhat weak. Saying that a pop-icon is "evil" or "retarded" is kinda overdone, wouldn't you agree? Also, why was being born behind a taco bell worth mentioning? Is there some type of connection between that and wanting to enter into the fast food business? Somewhat entertaining was the deal with the devil, but this section is pretty clichéd overall. At least there were no Oscar Wilde quotes. Good writing, too, but not enough to clear a 6: below average. What would I suggest? Come up with something more realistic to say, instead of all this cliché "oh she's evil LOL!!11" stuff. =2= 1 Biography [ 7 ]: You had some good lines there, but nothing spectacular. Mike In 'N Out is my favorite! Nah, he's not, but it's funny nonetheless. You should come up with more here instead of just her love life. =3= 2 Personal challenges [ 4 ] I don't find these pedophilia jokes funny. I don't find michael jackson jokes funny. I don't find this section funny. Tear it down, pictures and all, and start from scratch. Talk more about the restraunt in question instead of Jack in the Box and McDonald's. =4= 3 See also [ n/a ] Get rid of this list, please. There's no point in having it. =5= 4 Externalish Links [ n/a ] Get rid of this list, too. |
| Concept: | 6 | It's easy to go wrong on articles about pop-icons. The idea here is that Wendy is an evil slut, and that's a tired idea. I know you haven't been around long, Hyperbole, but that's everyone's idea of how to write an article at first. Parody and satire are difficult, so don't give up. This article has a lot of potential for the following HORRIBLE jokes that should not be attempted:
Start over, and maybe make her sound like a real person. Your problem is that any interesting question about Wendy's life is explained. She's in the restraunt business because her father was. She's the mascot because her father owns the company. Well, okay, she can't be a mascot all the time! What does she do (and don't say anything about sex videos)? |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | No real problems I could see, but it sure ain't Shakespeare. You don't have ugly blocks of text or anything, so that's good. Section 2 should be totally redone and 3 and 4 should be thrown out altogether, but in spite of that, pretty good.
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| Images: | 4 | The only picture I slightly liked was that first one. I wish you could have just the plain iconic symbol up there, though. Stay away from michael jackson... he's evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.9 | {{Pee|5.7|6|8|4}}
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| Final Score: | 29.6 | This is a toughie. I would say that this article is a spawning ground for stupid jokes. I have no idea what I would write here, but I'm guessing it's better than the original version you rewrote. I think it's slightly better than an ICU, so you don't have to worry about that. I would keep doing what you're doing: rewriting terrible stuff. You WILL get the hang of this writing thing, and people appreciate rewrites. If you need anything, call me! |
| Reviewer: | • <May 05, 2008 [0:02]> | |