User:The Truth of Matheus/Elliott Smith
Elliott Smith, born Steven Smith but renamed himself because he wanted to, was an American singer-songwriter, five-star general in the Indie-Mainstream wars of the 2060's and a suicide activist, man. His music was like really sullen and downtrodden and he was like never acknowledged as the musical genius that he was, man. And that, like, sucked man. He was also into drugs and alcohol and AAA! and is like, the only good thing to ever come out of Oregon.
Early Years[edit | edit source]
Elliott Smith was born in Omaha man. That's in Nebraska. In fact the thing that may have triggered his chronic substance abuse may have been his addiction to soy beans grown in the area. Or maybe it was due to his depression which was caused by his step-dad beating him with a belt. I guess we'll never know, man. Anyways his mom was, like a Playboy Bunny man. And his dad was either his biological father, Gary Smith or Will Smith, I can't really remember now, man.
Around one year of age his parents totally had a divorce driven by annulment. But, like I totally relate. One second man, I'm gonna like, totally go cry now. O.k back
Yeah, so anyways after the Power Rangers kidnapped the Lindbergh Baby they like, totally accidentally killed it because like, the red power ranger was a communist and, wait. Damn. Wrong article.
Right so going back to the original subject. So his mom moved to Texas to further her career as a burlesque dancer, which was like, awesome man. Actually, it totally put a massive strain on his social life and it brought in a lot of angry drunk dudes into his life that probably put abused him, man. But whatever.
Elliott's parents also forced him to go to Church a lot man. But they totally, like, sold out man to like, the Methodist Church. That like, totally made baby Jesus cry man. Which was not cool. Not cool at all. When he was nine he like, totally won an arts festival with a piano piece entitled "fantasy". It was like, about becoming a totally sad and dejected songwriter who was totally ignored by the music community despite his obvious brilliance. Go figure. So, like, at 14 he totally moved to Portland. That's like, totally in Oregon dude. I hate Oregon man. Ever since Oregon Trail the computer game. Why, God? Why did Sally have to die of starvation? Was it because I didn't feed her? Is that why?
Right, must learn to stop going off on tangents.
His dad was, ironically, a psychiatrist. Of course this doesn't explain as to why he never noticed his sons depression nor his suicidal tendencies. Whatever, man. Anyways Elliott totally started recording in Oregon. This totally brings us to the next section.
Early Career[edit | edit source]
After graduating from Hampshire College which was, like, in Massachusetts. He got a degree in Philosophy and Political Sciences, dude. After that, he formed a band called "Heatmiser". They were awesome. Actually they sucked. But whatever man. They released their final album, Mic City Sons in 1996, man.
Elliott continued on with his career, which was totally cool of him man. Actually, he'd already released two albums: Roman Candle and Elliott Smith which kind of totally stabbed his band-mates in the back man.
This brings me to my next subject. Don't stab people man. It's not cool. I've done it a few times. Sure you may get a sexual thrill out of it. But when you are having bondage sex in your parents car you've gotta make sure you don't take it too far. They might find the body in your closet and like, trust me. You do not want to kill them to.
Anyways he continued working until he finished the album Either/Or. Either/Or was totally awesome man. It was sweet and melodic and beatle-esque and whenever I listen to it I cry. Just like in Oregon Trail, fuck that game man.
Goodwill Hunting[edit | edit source]
One day Matt Damon and Ben Affleck decided to write a screenplay. They then hired Gus Van Sant to direct it.