User:Somu/Electrical Engineers

“Electrical Engineers?! What do they do? More importantly, what does any Engineer do?!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Why does Oscar Wilde get all the Quotations?? ”

~ William Shakespeare

“You know Shakespeare's First name?!”

~ Some Dude on author knowing Shakespeare's entire name

“Hey - I thought you guys were gonna talk about me..!!”

~ Electrical Engineer on himself

Electrical Engineers are dudes (and some really Ugly gals) who study in Technical Colleges for years before realizing that they are never gonna be more than dorks (which they intrinsically are). After working their ass off for about four years at a technical college, this realization forces them to accept what they are and bully on the class of people with lower intellectual capabilities (Read "Other dorks who are simultaneously Idiots"). However, they also earn a shit load of money and end up sleeping with your mom!!!

History

The concept of engineering has existed since ancient times as humans devised fundamental inventions such as the pulley, lever, wheel, condom and dildo. But then some dude invented a battery, and a new engineering feild was born - Electrical Engineering! A battery (or a cell) is what some consider a device to transform chemical energy to electricity- bullshit! It's a magical device, which when activated, forces fallen angels to use their powers to suck sweetness from candies stolen from babies, and convert it to electricity. No chemicals involved, see? No one told you that before? Well, who cares?, that's the truth- and you now know it. Now go play in the traffic.

Wait, wait, WAIT! Not just yet! You need to know more about electrical engineers so that you can.. Uh.. understand traffic signals.. Right?! So, READ! Anyways, there was also this guy called Georg Ohm, who didn't have a life or a girlfriend, and so he made some little ceramic shitty toys, called resistors.^{Explanation Below.} While doing this, he also made Ohm's Law, which states.. wait, do you really care? Then, there was Michael Faraday, who discovered (probably stole from some other dude) something called Electromagnetic Induction. Nobody really knows what it is, and nobody cares, but electrical engineers are known to bore you to death with it if they have nothing better to say on a date. Which happens more often than you may think, given they are all really dorks.. Nerdy dorks.

There was also a guy called Nicola Tesla, who along with Edison founded the band AC/DC and those guys really rocked! When all of these guys found that they couldn't impress any member of the female species, they started a separate field of Engineering called Electrical Engineering, just to sound cool. They still couldn't get laid.

Education

Electrical Engineers are supposed to study a lot! They spend years at some Institute of Torture.. uh, sorry, Technology to get their majors in Electrical Engineering (most end up with a major in p0rn, instead!). During their unpleasant stay in such abattoirs, (where most occupants are guys) they have to face problems such as emotional, mental and sexual harassment. Their family and girlfriend(s) keep harassing them emotionally, their teachers (ones who Google for answers to the questions they themselves make up) torment their brains and their seniors take care of the rest. In IITs, a majority of seniors end up making "Shoving bottles up junior's ass" their favorite pastime. Consequently, about 37.3% of Engineering freshers kill themselves each year in such institutions (& about 100% of my statistics are Wrong!). The students also have to learn stuff like:

Current

When electrons, or unicorns, feel like running all across a conductor, they form currents. This is what makes a Conductor's hands move in an Orchestra. So next time you get so see one of these Conductors 'performing' (as if they ever have to do any real work!) - always remember... There's battery a shoved up his ass. Apparently, conductors having a metal background like the battery-up-their-ass condition much better (probably because of all the anal experiments they do in rehearsals), and hence, metal conductors are a good conductor of electricity!

Voltage

When the fallen angels cast their spells to steal sweetness from a baby's candy, they have to concentrate on their wands. This concentration depends on the size of the cell (So you see, size does matter!) , the sweetness of the candy and the size of their wands (Again, size DOES matter). The concentration thus generated is called Voltage. Don't listen to those scientist dudes! They are just a bunch of sissies, who are jealous of 'me' because they can't explain shit. Huh! I'm the smart One. And I'm Cool! I'm Very Cool..!! Now whom are you going to trust?

Work

Somu 10:08, August 13, 2011 (UTC)