User:RealLifeCartman/Compton
Compton is a small little city in the state of California.[1] It is known for not having a majority white population and being filled with ethnics and hip-hop music.[2] Compton is surrounded by bigger cities and is also connected by a railway that takes you directly to one of the most influential cities of our generation.
Geography[edit | edit source]
Compton is mostly flat and boring. It is filled with identical houses that all look the same, there would be more houses but a pointless airport takes up a lot of space so residents would have to make do with what they have. There is very few commercial development with much of it taking place near a court building... The court building is by default the tallest building in Compton, it's also home to the justice system which is fair and balanced which is the reason why Compton has such a low crime rate.[3]
There are no bars and nightclubs in Compton with residents having to travel outside of city limits just to find a place to drink... There are many liquor stores in Compton but thanks to some bullshit law that prevents you from carrying an open container of Alcohol, they're not really popular among residents. The only thing that could be considered a bar is T.G.I. Friday's, a corporate establishment with thousands of restaurants across the globe. Many people in Compton are too poor or too smart to eat/drink at T.G.I. Friday's so it rarely gets any business.
Demographics[edit | edit source]
Much of Compton is supposedly filled with ethnics; mainly blacks african-americans. There are mexicans in Compton but you'd be hard pressed to find them with all the hip-hop music that shouts out Compton. There are virtually no whites which means that it's not truly an American city; there are some whites but they pretend to be african-american in order to fit in to the point where they disguise themselves. You'll never find a city with messed up demographics like Compton.
Crime[edit | edit source]
Compton has a low-crime rate thanks to the judicial system. There is almost no evidence of police abuse in Compton; the police have made sure that the lowlikes standing on the corner are given a fair trial and then placed in jail for the eternity of their lifetime. Though some people may claim that there is police abuse; they're just Uncyclopedia vandals who want a fair share of the lulz by editing this article to include untruth and lies.
Culture[edit | edit source]
Much of Compton is the home of hip-hop music, specifically gangster rap. Despite the low-crime rate of Compton, the people inside it have invented stories of murder, death, police abuse and bias towards african-americans. It's much like Santa Claus or The Great Pumpkin in terms of mythology and acts like N.W.A and Kendrick Lamar have took it upon themselves to spread the story of Compton. Several notable Compton rappers have never even lived in Compton, they live in affluent suburbs and had stories about Compton told to them by their parents when they were little kids.
Thanks to the mythology of Compton, several stores inside Compton have hats that say "OG" or "Nutty Block Kripz", this is to make sure that people aren't disappointed when they visit Compton and discover that it's nothing like what they listened to on the radio. There are also several people dressed up as N.W.A[4]who encourage little kids to sit on their lap and ask them if they've been naughty or nice. At certain times, you may see a sleigh flying up in the sky and snow falling to the ground despite California being one of the places where snowfall never exists.
Affordability[edit | edit source]
To live in Compton, you need to have a high paying job at an IT company where you either the CEO or the CFO. Compton rents have always been in the high $3,000/month range since the inception of the city; it may not look that way with the bars on the windows and the size of the houses but it's expensive to live in Compton. All of California have high rents thanks to taxes, gentrification and it's status as the "Golden State", meaning that only rich people can live here.
There is an "affordable housing" project for people who are too poor to live in Compton but that's just a front to appeal to the government. Trying to get on the list will result in you being told that "this program is full" and an invitation to call again to see if there's any openings available; except there are never any openings available.
Future[edit | edit source]
Compton will be developed into a metropolitan area with big skyscrapers and more importantly, white people. It may take many years but progress will be made. It will be glorious with nightclubs and bars and an area for the existing population called "Ethnictown", "Ethnictown" will be a melting pot for Compton with all of the ethnics being given free reign to do whatever they want as long as they follow the rules of the local government.
Citizens have expressed concern that the future of Compton will result in them being sidelined and claim that "Ethnictown" will be nothing more than "a glorified jail"; there is a threat of a potential riot like the one in 1992 but Compton officials have expressed that they do not give a shit about their concerns and will #MakeComptonMagnificient by any means necessary.