User:Raptros-v76/Shredded wheat

Shredded Wheat is one of the more masochistic breakfast cereals.

What is it?

How does one shred Wheat?

Nobody is quite sure of what Shredded Wheat is. While its name suggests that it is wheat that has been shredded, the obvious question is "How does one shred Wheat? There isn't anything to shred!" Instead, Shredded weat may be made up of any one or combination of:

1. bark
2. sticks
3. dried stuff
4. people
5. wheat that is not in fact shredded, just dried and broken into pieces
6. way too much Sugar. (If you are lucky)
7. Milk. To make sure that it becomes soggy.

Obviously, none of this sounds like part of a whole and balanced breakfast. Or any form of breakfast.

History

Shredded Wheat, not to be confused with shredded wrists, has a tangled and shredded wheat like history. It originated as a common lyrical theme in death metal music, first utilized by the American band Waking The Cadaver. The members of the band are apparently all former employees of Post cereal and were fired when found performing lude acts with pieces whole grain cereal. Police questioned a number of witnesses within the company. One individual reported seeing a trail of milky footprints, which he reported to his superiors.

Eating

As a food, Shredded wheat can be quite uncomfortable, as it can shred the esophagus. After several hours, it can become soggy and mushy, and one must ask him or herself, "Do I actually want to finish eating this mess?", and then throw the bowl out, thereby ruining breakfast. Frosting it with sugar can make it more edible, and in fact quite good.

Hamster Bedding

A hamster trying to keep off of its Shredded Wheat Bedding.

For a time, after the failure of Shredded Wheat as a breakfast food, its makers decided to salvage the mess by selling it to Hamsters as bedding. This soon failed too, as it would start out being uncomfortable, then getting soggy as Moisture seeped in. Eventually, hamsters would ask themselves, "Do I actually want to sleep in this mess?", and throw the bedding out, thereby ruining the home.

Little Known Facts

• Never Eat Shredded Wheat is a mnemonic used by children to remember their basic satanic rituals

Statician Joke

Three statisticians go hunting.
One takes aim at a deer and misses three feet to the left.
The second takes aim, and he misses three feet to the right.
The third one says, "We got him!"

Jokes like this are the kind of thing that may be found on a shredded wheat box. If you are lucky. Which you are not, considering you are eating shredded wheat.

See Also

• Breakfast
• Cereal
• Wheat
• Hamster
• Torture
• Statistics