User:Quick and to the Pointless/Bicklers

Lady so scared by a Bickler that she de-evolved into a chimp.

“Have you seen one recently? I certainly havn't. But I don't get out much.”

~ Adolf Hitler on Bicklers.

“I think I tapped that...”

~ Hillary Clinton on What we can only hope is not a Bickler.

“Ayyyyy”

~ The Fonz on Bicklers, as well as all other subjects regarding anything or anyone.

“Crickey, a stingray!”

~ The late Steve Irwin on Bicklers

Origins

Its mother, i guess...

A detailed diagram of the evolution of man and how the Bickler fits in.

and its father ofcourse...

But before that there was only Chuck Norris. but there was nothing to roundhouse so he created single cell organisms, which turned into fish, then mammals, which branched out into Humans, Bicklers, dogs, and animals that walk on all fours. Chuck Norris didn't evolve and never will because he finds it a boring and time consuming exercise. Sightings of the lucrative Bickler are few and far apart and when people do see one they tend to be too overcome with shock to take a photo or a quick observational drawing before being horrifically mauled to death. Selfish gits. "So how do we know it even exists if everyone who has seen it has been eaten?" you ask. The reason we know that the Bickler exists is Tom cruise. He was eaten by a Bickler but since it couldn't stand the taste of his ego it spat him out. Unfortunately Tom didn't disclose any useful information about the Bickler so we are all left to wonder what it looks like.

Tom Cruise sets his arse alight but is to arrogant to admit it.

What is a Bickler

“I think you may find out if you read ahead.”

~ Captain Obvious on This section of the article.

As i have mentioned there have never been any conclusive sightings of the bickler, the only man I know who could possilby survive a confrontation with a Bickler would be Chuck Norris. However if he had met a Bickler the resulting fight would have left the species extinct and this whole article would be even more pointless. The US and English governments would have us believe that Bicklers were the work of terrorists intent on undermining our western way of living. However terrorists insist that the Bickler was a conspiricy made by our governments to provide a reason to invade Iraq to fuel the Western worlds oil shortages. Another US conspiracy is that the US lost in Vietnam because the vietnemese had trained Bicklers working for them, but that was quickly dismissed by the public because it was ridiculously silly. You cannot train a Bickler without being eaten, or at least mortally wounded several times.

Diet

A lucky mole born into wealth.

A typical Bickler will eat anyone and anything but has a certain soft spot for macaroni cheese. This is also their main weakness as they happen to be lactose intollerent. Unfortunately due to a vast lack in intelligence they cannot come to the conclusion that the macaroni cheese leads to projectile vomiting. The smell that results from the cheese are used by poachers to track down Bicklers. Bicklers are very popular with poachers as their ears have been known to fetch up to £20,000,000 on ebay. Making them the second most expensive animals on earth, behind moles. Ofcourse there is not an abundance of pasta and cheese sauce in the jungle so the Bickler generally resorts to eating mushrooms which is also a reasonable explination for its aggressive nature. Well you'd get pissed if you had to eat mushrooms all day and all you have to look forward to in life is macaroni cheese.