User:Orion Blastar/WWE Smackup: Roid Rage
WWE Smackup: Roid Rage is a next generation wrestling video game produced by Vince McMahon the Chairman of the Board of WWE Entertainment. It is based on the Smackup TV show aired on the CW Network that glorifies steroid (aka Roid) use that tends to lead its users into anger management issues (aka rage) which makes them better wrestlers.
The Game History[edit | edit source]
The WWE had many wrestling video games made, but critics kept saying they weren't realistic. Games like Wrestlefest and Wrestlemania introduced the steel cage and battle royal matches, but they were boring and predictable. Sort of a bash the buttons to beat up the other guy type of video game wrestling. The fans wanted something better. WWE Raw was made with a create your own wrestler option, but due to dyslexia the name would have been "WWE War" and instead was called Raw, which made no sense. Vince McMahon tried to correct it by saying "Raw is War!" but the option to use raw meat as a weapon in hardcore matches didn't do that well. Mr. McMahon, inspired by the US Government investigating the WWE for steroid use in the 1980's, and Mr. McMahon getting away with it, mocked the US Government by making a show called WWE Smackup. Smackup meaning that the wrestlers were smacking up with steroids. Mr. McMahon had advised his wrestlers to use "ruthless aggression" in their matches or he would fire them. To solve this problem, Mr. McMahon created Roiderade brand sports-entertainment drink. He made "Asshole" flavor and "Muscle" flavor. For wrestlers like Edge, he would give a case of "Asshole" flavor which gave small muscles with an Asshole personality, for Hulk Hogan he gave "Muscle" flavor which gave him big muscles without the Asshole side-effect but with the anger affect, for Triple H he gave both the "Asshole" and "Muscle" flavors. The Roiderade was more successful than Mr. McMahon had hoped for, but it had an side-effect of causing serious rage issues like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin beating up people for no known reason. It was called "Roid Rage" by the press, and so Mr. McMahon named his next generation video game "WWE Smackup: Roid Rage"
New Features[edit | edit source]
WWE Smackup: Roid Rage had new features never before seen in a wrestling video game. It has a "Soap Opera" mode in which you trash-talked and bully the other wrestlers for 50% of the game time, while the other 30% of the game involved wrestling matches, while the remaining 20% of the game involved Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler talking about "Fruity Fruity Skittles!", "Subway Sandwiches Eat Fresh!", "Just for Men Hair Coloring Kits", "Autozone", and other commercials they try to brainwash the viewers into buying their sponsor's products and services. [1]
In order to get title shots, the game is very hard to get title shots just like in real wrestling. There is a glass ceiling that prevents most wrestlers from getting title shots in the game, just like in the real WWE. One way is to marry Mr. McMahon's daughter Stephanie and get her impregnated, and then you can get as many title shots as you want, but have to quit to raise the baby nine months later. [2] Another way is to agree to work for Mr. McMahon as an action movie actor/rapper in a very bad movie that earns millions of dollars but pays you only a small fraction. [3] Another way is to show really ruthless aggression in a smashmouth style and take as much steroids as you humanly can and take on wrestlers that Mr. McMahon holds a grudge with like JBL, only you could get injured and have to give up the title. [4]
Naturally you don't want to cross the boss and make Mr. McMahon angry at you. If you do, you may be asked to join an elite club called the "Kiss My Ass Club". [5] You might get asked to wear a dress and wrestle in it. You might get fired and then your career is over. Your character might get re-written to be gay or something. You might end up in a match with the 70 year-old Mr. McMahon and two other wrestlers that beat you up to a bloody pulp. In order to avoid making Mr. McMahon angry, you must do as he tells you to do. That means doing a "job" for one of his favorite wrestlers, meaning that you take a dive. It could mean that you take a match against another wrestler who is bigger than you, but Mr. McMahon holds a grudge with. Of course you can try to get a contract with the WCW, ECW, or Ohio Valley Wrestling leagues but wouldn't you know it, Vince McMahon bought them out so that he'd have a monopoly plus the wrestlers he personally screwed cannot go someplace else and wrestle.
New Playable Characters[edit | edit source]
- MVP - Montel Vontavious Porter - Ex-Power Ranger turned professional wrestler.
- The Boogieman - African American stereotype with a red painted face who eats worms and then spits them on his opponent as a finishing move.
- The Great Kali - 7 foot 4 Giant from India who speaks like the Tasmanian Devil
- The new improved Undertaker - Look how scary he looks wearing his mother's black eye mascara around his eyes as he rolls them back in his head.
- Dave Barista "The Animal" - Quit his job at Starbucks to Wrestle.
- Rey Mysterio Jr. - Spider-Man wannabe, too short to wrestle but they let him anyway.
- Kane - The Undertaker's Brother, looks like Steve Ballmer on steroids, same anger management issues as well as Ballmer.
- The Miz - They scraped the bottom of the barrel and got him from some reality TV show, gave him a mowhawk and use him as a "jobber" for other wrestlers to score wins off of him.
- Fitz Finley - Drunken Irishman who cheats using a Shillelagh when his side-kick "Hornswaggle" the leprechaun distracts the referee. Overuse of Irish stereotypes here. Does everything to cheat, except Riverdance.