User:Nacky/Smugkepe/Ed Rye
While legend holds that Ed Rye is some lost soul that haunts the Great Pumpkin Patch, the fact is that he is merely a stowaway and a mad boat-hopper. Ed Rye is a pear-shaped individual that somewhat resembles a lonely cabbage. The saviour of Smugkepe and the Almighty of the Smugs; he convinced a small village of his divine powers when he produced yards of trim from a warlock's attic. The villagers draped the trim all over their garb and used it for ornamentation of all their finery until they discovered it was cursed by said warlock. Smugs, being ever the twats they are, sold the trim to an unsuspecting victim. The anvil logo being Ed's village device, was shunned by Anti-Anvils known as Pro-Pavels. He is also known as the Evil Trim Merchant, Treasurer, Head of the House of Anvil and a Sad Story. See also Smugkepe.
Ed Rye FAQ[edit | edit source]
Q: Why is Ed Rye strung up in a tree?
A: He has always sought the honor of men, as do his co-horts Regnus, Bastardoni and Bridget, but he will attempt to butter up royals and kiss their ass so well that he usually escapes detection until he gets naked in front of them and blinds them for life.
Q: Why is Ed Rye so creepy that even a serial killer won't do him in?
A: Ed Rye is the real Jeffrey Dahmer. Everyone knows they will end up in his fridge if they visit him. Even real serial killers.
Q: What was the fallout between Ed Rye and Pavel?
A: They were lovers until Ed Rye wanted to run Pavel's shire and make all the decisions. It would have worked but, unfortunately for Ed Rye, Pavel halted Ed Rye's evil plans to install a huge icebox and abnormally sized table saw. It was also on account of those meddling kids.
Ed Rye's Heroes[edit | edit source]
Obscure Song About Ed Rye[edit | edit source]
He was a gnome as a baby, baby
He's a mushroom as moldly as any fungus among us
He crossed a bridge and swatted flies, oh yeah
But they wouldn't stop following him, oh no!
Until one day he was shooting at some thing
He was never a dancer, cha cha cha
He lives a solitary life as a troll, baby
And he whines, whines, whines, this one thing over and over
He cries out HEY PLAY NICE OR I'LL GET WEIRD!
Weird, weird, weird, and whine, whine, whine! La La La!
Shoo-bi-do-di-do-da-dom
He never uses airplanes, he prefers caves, honey
He's an SCA Guru that we've seen, do-do-do-do rock it baby!
He pretends a lot of things in the fantasy hour
Boogie your stuff and get down O-W-W! Oh yeah
His disco pants are always so tight and now we're all blind!