User:Mister Nosey/Pope
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His Holiness the Vicar of Christ, Bishop of Rome, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Servant of the Servants of God, and Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, or simply The Pope, as the lazy heathens call him, is a mysterious supernatural entity that has been around since who knows when (A.D. 30 to be more precise). While the average Joe thinks that there has been a long succession of popes, starting with Saint Peter, we educated types know this to be a myth. There has only been one pope: The Pope. Those individuals whom the hoi polloi believe to have each been separate popes have in actuality been unwitting vessels of The Pope. The current vessel of The Pope is some German chap known as Benedict XVI.
Origins of The Pope[edit | edit source]
Though we enlightened scholars have made great progress in unravelling the mystery that is The Pope, we are sadly left to speculate for the most part. The most popular theory holds that The Pope is a being from another planet (or demension for that matter) who came to earth during the year A.D. 30 (the year that Saint Peter, who considered to be the first pope by laymen) for the purpose of creating his/her/its own empire. As a means of accomplishing this goal, The Pope "possesed" the body of Peter in the same manner that a spirit would and Peter therefore became a mere vessel of The Pope. Upon Peter's death, The Pope did the same to the one whom he, through Peter, appointed as his successor (some guy named Linus, for all you history junkies out there), and so on and so on up until the present day. The Pope believed that he could scare the stupid inhabitants of earth into bowing to his authority. The Pope invented his own religion and convinced them that they would go to hell if they didn't follow it. As odd as this seems by our standards, it worked (hence the coming into power of that evil organization known colloquialy as the Catholic Church). The sheer sadism of this entity shows when he/she/it required Celibacy from Priests, Monks and Nuns. The Spanish Inquisition is further proof.
Over the years, those who lived under the rule of The Pope began to get smarter (thank God for Evolution), and eventually realized what a farce his religion was (hence the coming about of the Protestant Reformation). As a result, the power that The Pope exerts over the inhabitants of earth has considerably weakened, but nevertheless, The Pope is still something that every conscientious person should view with caution.
Warning! There's one of those space aliens sitting in your computer now.