User:MisterIgnorant/Total Nonstop Action Snooker
Total Nonstop Action Snooker (TNA) is an American snooker promotion, founded by Jeff Jarrett and his father Willie Nelson in Smarch 2003, and now owned by Kentucky Fried Chicken.[1] The company operates out of Hull, with an office in the treehouse of Orlando Bloom. TNA was originally a member of the International Federation of Snooking and was also known as IFS-TNA, but withdrew from the IFS in 2004 after a disagreement with between Jarrett and Oscar Wilde over whether the use of Jarrett's guitar as a cue after accidently burning his cue from pyrotechnics. The predicament ended with Jarrett holding the match on for good few days (damn fool).
TNA is the first American promotion to exclusively use a hexagonal snooker table as opposed to the more conventional four-sided table. The reasoning for this is for more impact spots despite the fact there's no more holes than before. TNA is also unorthodox in that championships can change hands as a result of "blackballing" the referee by potting his balls with the use of the cueball or just stealing the championship and claiming it as his own (as seen with Sean Waltman), thereby nullifying the "champion's advantage", along with both competitors approaching the table via separate entrance ways complete with their own brand of midgets masterbating to country music and a choice of either Tom Arnold or Dustin Diamond accompanying them.
TNA iMpAcT~!!!!!!!!!!![edit | edit source]
In 2003, TNA launched their own show called iMpAcT~!!!!!!!!!!!. The show was originally shown on Fox TV but HARD HITTING outweighed iMpAcT~!!!!!!!!!!! so the show was of course cancelled. After protests from the seven emo fans of Jeff Hardy, the show was now shown in the form of mini-films at the begnning of KKK member Spike Lee's films in Dodecember 2005. This meant the end of Monty Brown's carreer after he was sent in The Serengeti for a special two-day special but died after a lion attacked him. Another guy affected by the affiliation with Spike Lee was Elix Skipper who decided to take his life by tight-walking a clift before falling off it.
The show is currently filmed at Disneyland with its crowd coming in free to chant whatever they want. One notable moment was when A.J. Styles was made Player of 2005 which led the crowd to dismay as they believed the true winner was Chuck Norris who could beat down Styles so much he puts the the laughter in manslaughter.
The current commentators for the show are John Virgo and some random presenter from the Home Shopping Channel.
OMGX Division[edit | edit source]
The magical trickshot style of snooker which is rarely seen in the sport was given its own division. Rather than emphasizing the fact that most of these players who perform this style a joke, TNA Snooker decided to emphasize the high risk nature of the shots these players perform. Although it was de-emphasized throughout 2004, the OMGX Division is generally regarded as one of the key attractions of TNA, and was replicated in several independent promotions.
In November 2005, it was revealed that the OMGX Division players consider that the division players are governed under a unwritten "code". This was after A.J. Styles confronted Chuck Norris after he had, according to Styles, breached the code by joining a beginners kickboxing class to violently attacking his colleagues.
New aquisitions[edit | edit source]
Due to expansion, TNA gained more new players to the table. One major aquisition was Captain Charisma who after promoting his new show Captain Charisma and the Peepateers was immediatly attacked by Jarrett for wearing underpants on the outside after Labor Day. Other aquisitions they obtained included Sting, a live rhino, Kevin Nash's quad and some other WWF rejects.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Though are allegations they are secretly funded by the World Wildlife Fund.