User:Mhaille/Uncyclopedia:HUMP

The motto of the DUMP is based upon that of the United Nations.

The Headquarters of the Uncyclopedian Morality Police is located in a small closet within the main United Nations headquarters in New York City, and forms the main organisational center for the Department of Uncyclopedian Morality Police (DUMP).

In November of 2001 the headquarters was the subject of an unsuccessful terrorist attack, termed 119 by sections of the media, due to an unfortunate dating anomaly found within the US.

The DUMP

The Department of Uncyclopedia Morality Police are charged with the maintenance of interwiki peace and security. Its powers, outlined in the Uncyclopedia Charter, include the establishment of peacekeeping operations, the establishment of international huffing regimes, and the authorization for military action. Its powers are exercised through Official Security Council Resolutions.

The charter is defined at length within the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

The Closet

The dark closet that houses HUMP is, in many ways, the crux of the organisation. The actual members of DUMP stay put in the closet while their henchmen travel around the waves, spying on wrongdoers with their keen eyes connected to agile minds - their massive, meaty fists always ready to punish the guilty in horrible, degrading ways.

What happens in the closet is a matter of heated speculation. It is not clear whether size matters: a surprisingly large number of people seem to have fit in the small space with all the paraphernalia the organisation needs to function. DUMP uses its wide and far-reaching psychological expertise to drive fear into the hearts of those who would know more. When approaching the closet, even the strongest of heart and spine have felt a creeping sensation enter their bodies in a most disagreeable way. The corridor suddenly seems to shrink, and all sorts of dark, twisted urges appear in the mind. Many victims of the HUMP scare tactics have been seen screaming in the avenues, trying to banish the night of their own inner selves.

The Pit

The screams of the tortured. The pathetic pleading of the guilty. The even more pitiable pleading of the wrongly accused (but probably still guilty of something). The crunching of bones. The sloshing sounds and the eerie light. The Pit.

The henchmen

Not much needs to be said about the viciously deranged henchmen of DUMP. After getting to know any of them, you will notice the stigmata a thousand megabytes away - provided you manage to escape with your sanity and moral backbone intact. While seemingly trying to keep the fragile morality of Uncyclopedia in some kind of form, these ghastly characters will, in fact, do everything in their power to drag you down with them to the murky depths of their own indescribable practices - all the while claiming it was you who wanted them to do so. Such is the strength of their self-righteous propaganda that any Uncyclopedia member will need an iron will and an infallible character to converse with a DUMP henchman safely. Steer clear, it is the only hope you have.

The morality of DUMP itself has, of course, been questioned fairly often because of its twisted way to keep the balance. The answer to the question is, however, elusive: DUMP spokesmen have always claimed the right to retain the secrets of their trade. When asked about the disagreeable methods some henchmen have imposed upon unsuspecting Uncyclopedians, the traditional reply has, for eCenturies, been: "We know best." This is not an opinion and therefore it is not disputable. If there are bodies who wish to shed a different light to the workings of DUMP henchmen in any way, it will officially be seen as dangerous subversion, and punishment will be meted out.

The author of this article has expressed an interest in other users collaborating on this article. Why don't you?. Mhaille needs to add one!