User:Mhaille/Gollum
White-rapper, actor, mime artist, WWF Superstar. Gollum has achieved a great deal within his long and colourful career.
Early History[edit | edit source]
Born Queford P. Smeagol in Manchester, England, began his career chasing ambulances through the dark cobbled streets, and by the age of 14 had managed to catch a few. It was around this time that he met up with a local Jewish landlord named Fagan who took the youngster under his wing. In time he passed along to his protigee the secret knowledge of "the ring".
The Wilderness Years[edit | edit source]
Due to developing a crack cocaine habit, Smeagol began to lose his stunning good looks, and as Fagan had begun to frequent a new area - the so-called "Pink Mile" in Brie - and specifically two local taverns, The Prancing Pony, and The Big Gay Elf, Smeagol became more and more withdrawn.
Fagan's developing friendship with a gang of young Hobbits provided Smeagol with a single opportunity, and with the evil cunning of a kitten he pounced, taking the Ring of Fagan, completely unawares.
Entering the Ring[edit | edit source]
For many years Smeagol lived in the wilds of darkest Glaswegia, sleeping within a cave under Mount_Asshat. Surviving by eating fresh fish and the local giant gerbils who populate the area, Smeagol bulked up. Invited to train under the supervision of Austrian Pornstar Arnold Schwarzenegger Smeagol soon became the living embodiment of manhood.
It was at this time that he was invited to become a regular performer with the WWF. Taking the name of "Gollum" (it was his mother's maiden name) he became an instant hit, with his trademark FrogSplat move. At the height of his fame an unfortunate accident with a raw fish inflicted an injury that made it impossible for him to perform, and so he made his retirement official.
Ringing the Changes[edit | edit source]
Unable to continue his wrestling career Gollum, as he was now known, turned his attention to his to pursuing a career in entertainment. Landing a small part in a production of Oklahomo! he was spotted by Peter Jackson. He was instantly offered the part of Bimbo Baggins, a part for which he was Oscar norminated. The next year, after the release of the second part of the trilogy he won his Oscar, this time for singing the theme tune.
With a number one hit on his hands, Gollum took the plunge and recorded an album - "What's Taters, Preciousss?". A co-production with Dr Dre the album took many by surprise with its hard hitting lyrics and strong beats, and was an instant success. Within a year he had returned to the studio to record his second album - "Stoopid Fat Hobbitses".