User:Martinultima/DragonForce

DragonForce is an English power metal band distinguished by their fast music, which often incorporates video game-like sounds and lyrics, as well as a distinct stage presence, an ongoing refusal to consider the advantages of decent haircuts, and numerous contributions to the field of particle physics. Imitations of their frantic playing have supplanted overextended computer use as the number one cause of carpel tunnel, and the frequent destruction of their instruments from their rapid and exaggerated style has earned them the guitar industry's recognition as “the greatest thing for instrument builders since Jerry Lee Lewis”.

Musical style

The band usually consists of approximately six members, but the exact number depends on how many ex-Guitar Hero wannabes can sneak on stage past security, and how badly the rest of the band members are incapacitated from drinking throughout the performance. Herman Li is generally considered the lead guitarist, and the band recently released an official confirmation, citing his record 2% score on #Through the Fire and Flames. He is usually accompanied by Sam Totman when the latter is passably sober. ZP Theart, the band's vocalist, neither plays guitar at superhuman speeds nor drinks on stage during performances, but according to their stage manager, Oscar Wilde (no relation), “he does have a cute British accent”.

Discography

Inhuman Rampage

The band's first commercial album was titled Inhuman Rampage, reportedly after their secret plan for world domination. (Although he has repeatedly denied it, Herman Li is, in fact, a robot; while some people cite his guitar playing as proof, the real reason is much simpler, since no real Asian guy talks with a British accent.) It was a popular success, selling all of three and one-quarter copies worldwide, but was criticized somewhat for its “overly derivative video-game inspired” lyrics:

Evil is sweeping across the land!

I must rescue the princess while I can still feel my hand!

But first I must wait until my health bar is green,

And a gratuitous solo for the coming cut scene...

Other work

The band was the subject of great controversy within the scientific community after a group of stuffy theoretical physicists entered, and quickly lost at, a Guitar Hero tournament. Angered by what they saw as an impossible defeat, the physicists in question stormed out of the room, one of them pausing on his way out to throw a copy of his textbook at the band members (who also happened to be there, as this was when Li scored his record 2%), growling “Write your own damn theories!”

In response, the band developed the Heisenberg-Li Revised Uncertainty Principle, which states that during a DragonForce solo, you can get the right note, or you can get the right time, but you can’t get both without snapping at least one string, and either way it remains uncertain if you'll ever get your own recording contract. The theory is popular among non-scientists but has yet to gain traction in the scientific community, mostly because the band was too hung over the next day to challenge them to a rematch.