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"If I had three nickels, I would most defintely give Kyle1 every single one of them." Oscar Wilde on Kyle1

Why you should personally ruin my life.[edit]

Kyle1, also known as me (not to be confused with myself, butter, or you) is thought by most to not exist. However, the Time Patrol's specialized mythbusting unit known as the Time Patrol's specialized mythbusting unit has debunked this rumor (because the rumor-debunking coalition was missing in an interdimensional rift of their own creation). The Time Patrol urges you to remember the Alamo.


Aside from his poor pictures that he made in MS Paint, Kyle1 has also been known to "write" very bad articles, all of which are not about Leonard Nimoy. This is because he fears the way that Spock may teach him how to love strange alien women from the popular TV drama, Dallas. Kirk knows who shot J.R., and Picard is a french disco ball, quite obviously. Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

Where you might(not) find me.[edit]

In a starbucks. If I want a small cup of coffe, which is not orange juice, I would ask for a small, not a tall. Tall is what Gary Coleman wants to be. Maybe he will become the Mitsubishi spokesperson (can you hear me now?) Author's Note: Still reading? Good. Now I have you right where I want you. You will now be separated into two tribes according to which number you order on the Mc Donald's menu. Resistance is useless. You will also not find me in any sort of flowering plant or compact disc. Really, you won't, so don't look. If you do look, however, skyrockets in flight will be an afternoon delight.

Awards I have recently made up and given (prestigiously) to myself.[edit]

Kyle1 of the month (September)

World nop champion

Worst "The Who" pantomime ever.

Best not-doer of jobs since 1999


The nobel prize (for finding the baskin robbins 32nd flavor)

What I may or may not be responsible for.[edit]

Many things that I am not naming.

The Wilde quote at the beginning of Mario's Fantastic Journey to the World of Wibbles

Rocket Man

The glorious rewrite of Jeffrey Tambor.

September 14 Anniversaries.

Small bits of Sega Genesis and Zork (But of course, mostly everone is).

Some retarded Johnny Cochran thing I wrote while sleeping. Don't read it. Author's Note: I told you not to read this! Now that guy from the Vonage commercial will steal all your chinks!

All references to Kjetil Valen and the spread of the Time Patrol. I haven't even written pages for these yet. Lame!

The time patrol isn't my creation. It actually belongs to some IP adress, and as soon as this term was coined, some loser named Guest changed it to Harry potter and the muggles. It originally explained how Al Gore travels back in time and invents the internet, and the Time Patrol is still discussing how. This guy replaces Al Gore with Harry Potter and Time Patrol with muggles. Please, if I had held your intrest this far, don't let the Time Patrol die. Please. And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

New! The norweigan man without a page has his own band! Introducing... Kjetil Valen and the Actionscripters!!! Click or face extreme peril!

Another Semi-Rewrite! Check out Genesis! Also, I double posted! If there was a dumbass of the week, I would get it! Why is this not in my made up awards section? Dunno.

The(new) newieriest section[edit]

This section is for recent crap that I have done, In case you care.

"Author's" Note: If "you" is the Time Patrol, you know where to find me. Bring it on.

Quayleism! Read or be uneducated!

Maniac Mansion. This one is actually worth reading.

I don't like Wilde Templates[edit]

Wilde templates murdered my sister. This is why I do not use them.