User:Kevillips/Userpage/Swedish bikini team
| |
|---|---|
 Shhh don't tell | |
| Born |
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| Nationality | Swedish |
| Other names | Busty Blonde Bitches |
| Occupation | Classified |
| Known for | Black ops, beer |
The Swedish Bikini Team is a crack clandestine dark ops commando squad of the Country of Sweden. Named after the nuclear tests conducted by Sweden from 1946 - 1982, the team is a source of great pride in the militaristic Swedish Kingdom.
Formation[edit | edit source]
In the tradition of Amazon warriors, Absolut ruler of Sweden, Queen Christina, started the all female brigade after World War II, when it became obvious Sweden needed to have nuclear arms. The team was formed by recruiting the best athletes of the tallest Swedish women with blonde hair. Training was brutal in the beginning, but they were able to infiltrate the Manhattan project and acquire nuclear secrets required to jump start the Nuclear program. The tiny Island colony of Bikini Atoll, part of the Swedish Mandated Territory of the Pacific, was chosen as the place to conduct the tests, because nobody really knew where it was, so the danger of it being discovered was minimal.
Known operations[edit | edit source]
Because the Swedish governement denies the existence of the team, outside observations must be relied upon. Therefore a complete list is only speculative, despite the heading known.
- Campaigns • The fall of the French Fourth Republic • Solidarność • The popularity of Chicken Wings • Reader's Digest Dense Books • The Summer of Love • ABBA • Charles and Diana's divorce • Vietnamese Potbellied Pigs
The above is not an exhaustive or authoritarian list as explained by the lack of hard data.
Subterfuge[edit | edit source]
With so much speculation about the Swede's involvement in many of the above events, the country of Sweden took the unusual approach of hiding in plain site. Rather than continue to deny the existence of the squad, they licensed the name and image to Old Milwaukee Beer. The theme of ads worked brilliantly suggesting that old men drinking old beer, are somehow desirable to Swedish super models. The campaign was a huge success for the beer. People stopped talking about a ruthless all female cut-throat squad and started to watch the jiggling of the TV version of the team. In the 21st Century, another company licensed the name and premise for a series of video games books and DVDs.
Former (alleged) members of team[edit | edit source]
While officially denied, recently declassified documents from the former Soviet Union and East Germany substantiates the following rumored members by speculation from those agencies. Not the fantasies of teenage boys.
- Greta Garbo • Marlene Dietrich • Marilyn Monroe • Veronika Lake • Betty Cooper