User:Kenvalyi/elbow grease
| A Simple Equation | |
 An Elbow | |
+
Add | |
 Some Grease | |
 Equals | |
???
Nothing. What are you simple? |
Elbow Grease is an oil found only in the country of Iraq that was discovered by the 1980s rock group Night Ranger. It has a few known uses, not all of which are beneficial or legal in most countries.
A Rock-scovery[edit | edit source]
While visiting Iraq on their 1984 Sister Christian tour of the Middle East, Night Ranger bassist Jack Blades was turning over rocks in the desert to find an oil that he could use as a personal lubricant (if you know what I mean, and I think you do). By setting his arm down in the sand, he accidentally discovered a slick liquid that was very slippery to the touch. After successfully using it for his needs, he announced his rock-scovery (as it was dubbed by the morons on MTV) to the scientific and Adult Film communities.
Grease-y Benefits[edit | edit source]
The most beneficial use of elbow grease (aka Night Ranger Lube) aids people with what is commonly known as rusty elbow. A very painful degenerative disease that seems to affect random people, including celebrities: The Tin Man, Johnny Five, Bender, and C3PO. While elbow grease is not a cure for this ailment, it does make the sufferer sound less noisy.
Industrial Uses[edit | edit source]
Many factories are fond of using this lubricant on their employees to increase their production levels. The companies claim that the oil aids in reducing down time due to machine human resource failure and some plant managers are even said to enjoy bathing in the stuff. Kinky.
Illegal Uses[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, many criminals use this precious crude to commit acts of arson. While even water can be used as a weapon, it is a shame that a product that was rock-scovered for the noble personal needs of a legendary rock bassist could be used in the act of destroying property, not the least of which is Night Ranger's opus, "Midnight Madness".
"Weapons of Mass... Fuck me... We're there for the Grease!"[edit | edit source]
In 2003, The United Kingdom of America declared war on Iraq to stop that country from using weapons of mass penetration on their adult film community. When it was soon rock-scovered by Night Ranger's virtuoso guitarist, Jeff Watson that there were no weapons, and that the UKA was just there for the elbow grease. UKA president George Bush responded to the charges thusly:
“Of course, we're in Iraq to find the weapons of mass... (chuckles)... Fuck me! ... We're there for the Grease, maybe even the Grease 2”