User:Hopefully Acceptable Username/Madeleine McCann
Madeleine McCann is a three years old British girl. Her family have always ignored her, and in fact they soon grew to hate her because of a distinctive birth defect in her right eye. Her parents saw an opportunity to finally get rid of her while on holiday in Portugal, and so they abandoned her on a motorway, claiming ever since that she was kidnapped by a rapist while they were innocently having it off in a pub nearby.
Biography[edit | edit source]
Madeleine McCann was born in Leicester in 2003. That pretty much sums up her biography. Her current occupations include selling tabloids and pushing up daisies.
Police investigation[edit | edit source]
The police have found nothing.
Media coverage[edit | edit source]
The media reports that the police have found nothing. Every day.
Worldwide hunt for the missing girl[edit | edit source]
The desperation of friends and relatives was so great that they started carpet-spamming all known email addresses, thinking that people hadn't had enough of the 24/7 airtime that this story was receiving in the news, and hoping that the recipients would actually give a shit.
Public reaction[edit | edit source]
Some people have cynically pointed out that the McCanns did not realise that Madeleine is not exactly the only child that has ever gone missing, but let's face it, she's very cute and she's white, so unlike the thousands of Indian children that go missing every day she is worth the hassle.
Plus she was abducted in Portugal, and her name is Maddie, and... uh... anyway, she deserves special treatment.
Sightings[edit | edit source]
Maddie was last seen on an Internet banner saying: "Call me for dirty talk. I speak English, Portuguese and now Spanish too!"