User:Gustavo Chapman 3rd of Normandy/Everything

Everything is a magical half-pixie that grants wishes to dead animals. Her origins are unknown, but she certainly scares the fuck out of old people. She is often mistaken for Anything, who is closely related in appearence but nothing like her in anything else. Many try to catch Everything, thinking she is Anything, and are stung viciously.

What to do if you encounter Everything

1. Don't move
2. Cry
3. Pray (if you are an Atheist, see step 4)
4. Convert to Catholocism

Usually these handy steps will work, but if not you will have to defend yourself. Avoid small things, such as twigs, nails, or Karl Malone's penis. If used against Everything, she will swell over 500 times her size and it will not affect her. You need big things, like your mom. Throw these large weapons at her repeatedly until she surrenders (which she won't).

Proper ways to be eaten by Everything

Don't try to go in feet-first. This will hurt her tummy. Go in head-first. This way you can have a nice view of her throat tattoos.

See also

• Anything
• Something
• Nothing