User:Ed Refugee/The quest for free protein
The quest for free protein has since time immemorial been the favourite pursuit of sluts all over the world. The preferred method for gathering free protein is called the blowjob. The means of getting to perform blowjobs are many and varied, and this article will concentrate mainly on those. [1]
Popular Methodology[edit | edit source]
Uptarts[edit | edit source]
One of the most historically popular methods of getting to perform blowjobs is to tart yourself up. Tarting up is easy and the ways of doing it are varied. Smeared lipstick, punky hair, slutty slutskirt, tight pants[2], enhanced tits, shaven pussy[3], a red sportscar, and a handbag full of money are all within the uptarting methods. A jockstrap is a good idea as well, if you happen to be a male slut or "manwhore".[4].
Marriage[edit | edit source]
The most desperate of us sluts will go as far as to propose their hands to others in the hopes of getting to give a job after job of blows to a male of the species. The marriage is seen as serious business by the establishment, so you should never let out that you did it just for the BJ:s. Read HowTo:Get Married for further details. You might want to keep in mind that one male cannot be blown more often than once or twice a day, on the average, so marriage is to be resorted to only if there is no other way. Also, refer to infidelity for ways around the obstacles a hasty and dissatisfying marriage might present to your protein intake. If you are a male slut and cannot find your way to free protein outside of the holy[5] wedlock, refer to gay marriage.
Physical Benefits[edit | edit source]
| “ | Not just good, but good for you... | ” |
Human ejaculate is known to contain a number of important minerals and vitamins and was from ancient times an important source of nutrients. Selenium and Glycoproteins found in semen has been proved to be a cure for all kinds of cancer.
Active and beneficial ingredients:
- Pyruvic Acid
- Selenium
- Glycoproteins
- Testosterone
- Blood-Group Antigens
- Spermidine (catalytic enzyme)
- Fructose
- Zinc
- Vitamins B12 and C
Foot fetish notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ We are not going to recommend that you try to perform a blowjob yourself. There are potential hazards, such as (...)
- ↑ Please don't stop...
- ↑ Oh yeah...
- ↑ What you are about to read looks like a pun but it really is not. The Rolling Stones hit from the 80's, Start me up, was originally titled Tart me up. It consisted of Mick Jagger's advice to his make-up guy. "If you tart me up, tart me up baby I will be your slut" was seen as too heavy for an intended hit, so the title was changed. Wussies.
- ↑ fucking