User:Death-Note/Traverse Town
Chuck Norris used to reside there. Along with his minions of Brocoli Cookies. (If they even exist.) Chuck Norris resided in Traverse Town for about...2 days. Cid, Aerith, Yuffie, Leo- SQUALL, remember it like it was yesterday. Then again..it /was/ only yesterday. It is rumored that Jenova seeds were planted by Hojo in the soils. Tiny Bunnies with Underwear on thier heads are seen prancing around in the streets.
Sora's first events in Traverse Town were as follows: Being licked by a sex giving Dog, named Pluto, who sees no need for masturbation and would rather licks someone elses genitals insted of his own. Then, looking all over the damned place for a Duck and A Dog, who seem to be looking for him to have an orgy with. Meeting Squall and Yuffie and being raped before waking up, after being knocked out by Leon. Finally meeting the Dog and Duck, supposedly named, Goofy and Donald, who have been banned from most of the united states. Finding Kairi in Merlin's dungeon, and helping Cid find a house.
Characters[edit | edit source]
Aerith (AirAss? Aeris?) Aerith is a 21 year old virgin, who has bed wetting problems. While sleeping she seems to be experincing orgasms between 2AM and 3AM. Resulting in bedwetting. She'd do anything for a date with Sora, and seemingly has a lesbian relashonship with Yuffie, though these are a result of Tifa being gone and she is rather desperate. Yuffie denies this and moves on with her life. May or may not have ben killed by Sephiroth (Fefferoth?) after the events of Kingdom Hearts, it may of been her twin sister, Aeris. She has a personality disorder and likes to randomly turn into Cloud to torture Rude. Aerith's urine takes on the most unlikely shapes, such as stars.
Cid (Male Hooker?) Cid is a 57 year old computer programmer who enjoys watching porn, and sexually abusing his wife Shera, who is neve mentioned in KH because of copyright laws. And since Square got lazy. Nothing else is known about him. Besides the fact that he is verbally abused by "The Moogle". Even though "The Moogle" Doesn't talk. Apparently he has a theme song, that was self-given. This Theme song Title is "Captian Jack", from the popluar game of Dance Dance Revolution. Just a few months ago Shera left him and he became absorbed in making ships named after her and screwing them with his cigarettes. Once a month he makes his famous "Belly-full-stew" which includes Yuffie-Monster's sock tootsie-rolls and Aerith's flowers, and anything else he can find in the fridge. Cid is obsessed with cylindrical things such as spears and rocket ships. He declines to comment on why he insists on spending "alone time" with them twice weekly.
Leon (Squall?) Leon is a convicted criminal in most of the world. Except Traverse Town. Which is why he resides there. He constantly finds old men and young children to rape. Seemingly kicked out of the Final Fantasy VIII realm. He is the pied piper that brought the Tiny Bunnies with underwear on thier heads to Traverse Town. He is not to be confused with Aragorn from, Lord of the Rings. It has ben rumored, that he wears alot of belts, because Hojo raped him when he was a little boy making some form of chasity belt that only he undoes for raping that little man on the Lucky charms box, and for any other unsuspecting victim of his raping, it also has been rumored he needs the belts to keep everything on... perhaps because of said raping. The scar on his nose was a result of a fatal cheerio eating incident. Leon was eating Cheerios cheerfully, then Yuffie came up behind him and pushed him in the Cheerios box. Yuffie was dumbfounded that he fit, and there was a Seifer gunblade in the box, cutting his nose. While may new people come and go, he tries to knock out each one with his Gunblade and take them to the hotel where Yuffie is waiting, then they bother rape the newcomer. Aerith is in the next room, usually having a sexual affair with Cid.
Yuffie-Monster (Chainsaw eater?) The Yuffie-Monster happily prances around the realm of Traverse Town eating bundles of babies. Yuffie-Monster is not to be confused with Yuna. All of Yuffie-Monster's candy smells like Cloud's socks, because Cloud keeps socking her tootsie-rolls. Yuffie-Monster seems to have a crush on the non-Kingdom Hearts existant Vincent Valentine. And has to lesbians relashonship with Aerith, or so she says... Yuffie-Monster claimed not to have stolen the Snadwiches, but everybody knows it was her. She is also known to have various cases of "Rotation".
Scandal[edit | edit source]
At one point. Merlin made food for Riku, and "Accidently" slipped LSDs in it. Causing Riku to rape King Mickey. King Mickey soon after that falls in love with Riku. Mickey divorces Minnie, (although they weren't married to begin with.), and marries Riku. Riku then becomes Queen of all the worlds. And sadly, all of this happened in the little hobo town of Traverse. Also as a side effect of Merlin's LSDs Riku magically grew mouse ears, giving him more motovation to rape Mickey. As a result he changed his name back to Rikku, but found out that his old have had been stolen from a FFX reject. His name is currently "Rikku Mouse".
Heartless in Traverse Town[edit | edit source]
Heartless are known to appear only in two places in Traverse Town, because the power of "The Moogle" deflects them from the First District. Heartless are known to eat only the hearts of the weak, perverted, old, young, whores, men, women, and humanoids. Which is pretty much everything. Except Moogles, Kupo.
