User:Daniel Loominyawn/Sudden
 | This article documents a current event. Misinformation may change rapidly. Use frequent updates to ensure that it remains as uninformed and unhelpful as possible. |
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| Motto: Fancy a bit of the old ultraviolence? | |||||
| Anthem: Now You See Us, Now You Don't | |||||
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| Capital | Big Surprise | ||||
| Official languages | Arabic, French | ||||
| Government President |
Ahmed al <insert name here> | ||||
| Currency | Suddenese pound | ||||
| Religion | Islam | ||||
| Population | 3,454,210 | ||||
Sudden (Arabic: السودان; officially The Instantaneous Democratic Republic of Sudden) is a country which, as of two seconds ago, didn't exist. Being continually subject to violent military coups, Sudden doesn't possess any working infrastructure of any kind. This is considered a step up from most of its neighbors. Currently the longest reigning Suddenese President is Ahmed al <insert name here> the 3rd, who has yet to click the refresh button.
At 21:44 (EST) loyalists to the Suddenese People's Democratic Party (SPDP) staged a violent coup resulting in the downfall of the ruling Suddenese Democratic People's Party (SDPP). President <insert name here> is currently in hiding.
How to find Sudden[edit | edit source]
In the words of the eminent British explorer Sir George Head, who traveled to Sudden in 1954:
Take the A23s through Purleys down on the main roads near Purbrights avoiding Leatherheads and then take the A231s entering Rottingdeans from the North. From Rottingdeans go through Africa to Nairobis. Take the South road out of Nairobis for about twelve miles and then ask.
History[edit | edit source]
Formerly a Belgian colony, Sudden gained independence in 2024 when a lone Suddenese farmer, petitioning at the government offices for a raise in his annual stipend of dung, discovered that the man sitting placidly behind the big oak desk was, in fact, a crudely painted caricature; the real governor having left long ago. The Suddenese people, freed at last from the shackles of their vile oppressors, instantly began killing each other. Many atrocities were committed. After a period roughly commensurate with the time it took you to read this paragraph, order (of a sort) was enforced, democracy (ver 3.1) was installed, and the first Suddenese Democratic Republic was formed. It has since crashed.
Politics[edit | edit source]
Sudden is nominally a Democratic Republic with elections held every four seconds. Its capital is Big Surprise. Islam is the state religion. Due to ethnic tensions between the north, south, east and west, Sudden is considered a politically volatile area, with visitors strongly recommended to contact their respective embassies before embarking.
Geography[edit | edit source]
At the present time most of Sudden’s interior is desert, with an annual rainfall of 0.00 inches. Native Suddenese make up 92.2% of the population, with sizeable minorities of Somalis, Ugandans, Kenyans, Rwandans and African Americans. This makes Sudden the world’s second blackest nation, after Montenegro.
Trade[edit | edit source]
Sudden’s main exports include rice, coffee, feathers, sorghum, ivory, crude oil, clocks, bauxite, bananas and black silk underwear. Goods from around the world are imported daily and completely at random, often ships don't even dock, simply catapulting the goods onto the shore, which explains why nobody goes the beaches anymore.
Foreign Relations[edit | edit source]
In June of this year the UN issued a statement condemning the Suddenese government of systematic acts of genocide against the native Flopsi population, who have lived in the Suddenese River Valley since at least last Thursday. The official Suddenese envoy to the UN responded with a loud raspberry. They have yet to get back to him.
Human Rights[edit | edit source]
N/A
Health and Welfare[edit | edit source]
In February 2007 the International Health Watchdog published a report praising Sudden’s wonderful, infection-free hospitals. An independent study of young Suddenese males around the Big Surprise area revealed that they have amongst the lowest rates of childish mmorpgity in the world. The average life expectancy in Sudden is 176 Suddenese years (approximately 12).
Culture[edit | edit source]
Since the people of Sudden cannot remember past the last two seconds, they tend to have trouble forming a coherent sentence, let alone any works of art. This has led to some rather embarrassing misunderstandings; indeed, several eminent anthropologists now believe this to be the sole cause of their woes. That, or the enormous amounts of crack they smoke.
Despite this, a dim flowering in the otherwise barren soil of cultural sterility came late one morning when a Mr. Mohammad al Ponce, cleaning his Foreman grill, encountered a perfectly formed image of the Madonna (with child), clinging to his teflon plates. Such was the interest shown, that Mr al Ponce became an instant worldwide sensation; his grill was sent to Europe for analysis. The following day, he received a response from the Tate modern, informing Mr. Ponce that his bas-relief was to occupy pride of place in their upcoming Faces of Africa exhibition, and requesting an interview with said artist. Unfortunately by this time Mr. Ponce had forgotten ever having sent off the work and, upon hearing that some bastards in England had his missing grill, responded with a string of violent invectives before slamming down the phone. Undeterred, the gallery went ahead, and Sudden's lone contribution to modern art was assured.