User:ColonelKurtz/Darth Penis
Darth 'the Penis' Penis | |
|---|---|
| Jimbo Wales | |
 "Darth Penis at the annual War Crime festival" | |
| Ring leader of big bads, ruler of the Fallen World | |
| In office The dawn of the world – When Penistown collapses | |
| Preceded by | N/A |
| Succeeded by | none |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Died |
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| Nationality | Penisian |
| Political party | United Penis Fascist Land |
Darth Penis, going under the veneer of Jimbo Wales, is dictator of Wikipedia with the goal of lying to the world that Uncyclopedia is a parody of Wikipedia. Despite the 'darth' name, he is not a sith. Rather, he is a huge fan of Star Wars and because we all know Jimbo is a closet homosexual, he is commonly called Darth Penis. He was born in...[1] well...we'll get to that later.
He currently rules his own private town, Penistown, popularly known as Wikipediatown.
Why rule Wikipedia?[edit | edit source]
Sadly, Wikipedia is generally misinterpreted as being a reliable source. It is, in reality, a hell that is ruled by what might be aptly called the one whom Satan answers to. Darth Penis is the lord of all evil, and he wears a crown of lies, in his sceptre the source of all sin. Darth Penis is the one whom all evil in mythology answers to. Even the Angra Mainyu from Zoroastrianism, the Demiurge from the various Gnostic strands, and Ur king of darkness from Manichaenism.
He is the mostest evilest person in the history of the universe[edit | edit source]
There is no one like Darth Penis. He is a maniacal Jackass who has committed genocide, infanticide, rape, theft, assaulting a justice of the peace, raping people, torture, manipulating empires, destroying good, consecrating lies, working with Hitler and Mussolini, acting as ring master of all supposed big bad evils in mythology, and casting the earth into a hell hole from which few can escape... and above all and most terrible, opposing the sacred and holy will of Uncyclopedia. He is Hitler's go-to comfort man. Anyone who doesn't like to torture puppies is tortured. He makes Judge Holden look like Jesus Christ. It is impossible to state how evil he is. If the universe was composed of all ounces of cruelty known to man and perpetuated by him, multiplied by a thousand, and disseminated all over the universe, it would not come to the... barest...singlest...0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of cruelty Darth Penis has.
List of Crimes[edit | edit source]
- Genocide
- Rape
- Torture
- Assaulting women
- Making war a thing
- Killing the Christ
- Torturing people
- Making Chris Chan a thing
- Inspiring the collective metaphysical fall of the whole multiverse.
- Inspiring pedophiles
- Seducing humanity to be enslaved under Wikipedia's free knowledge™
- Enslaving reality through carefully manipulating knowledge to fit his version of reality
- Incountable amounts of Universe genocides, which is when a Universe dies because Darth Penis goes to it.
- Literally uncountable amounts of death.
Powers[edit | edit source]
He has control over the whole multiverse. The multiverse is the whole of Darth Penis' ring. He reportedly decides to make penis a thing since he is called arth penis aftrer all.
- ↑ he was aged 837589576894678946789467489678496798467498679486798467489679846749867498674896749867984679846789467984679846798467984678946794867894678493217087567853674865746627846978265427436857498754835749684787524683574694787674685968478574678576 when he died