User:Chech90/Gerard Way
Background[edit | edit source]
Gerard Way was born in Jersey, America (surprise surprise) in 1977. He has been tormenting the world with his “band” My Chemical Romance for nearly 5 years now and sadly all assassination attempts have failed.
Early Years[edit | edit source]
A child of lower intelligence, Gerard was often ridiculed by teachers at school for “Being a whiney little bitch” and “Attempting to sodomise his brother Milky Way, whilst on a school trip to a retirement home in Glasgow”.
Gerard left school in 1988, to follow a career in “being a whiney little bitch”. He travelled to Hollywood to try and get a foot in the door of the music scene. Reports have it that he was chased out of town by a pack of wolves that thought he was a transvestite.
Joy to the World[edit | edit source]
The wolf event led to Gerard going into the wilderness for 10 years with nothing but his instincts. He was killed by a troupe of gypsies within the first day.
Gerard’s body was never found until a lonely travelling carpet merchant stumbled across it in a glade. The carpet merchant then violated the corpse and legend has it that this gave Gerard new life; which sadly it did. The carpet merchant was soon hunted down and killed by Megadeth.
The Start of the Band[edit | edit source]
When Gerard returned back to his family he decided to create a “band” with his brother Milky Way. All they needed were three more pricks with bad hair. This proved to be a simple task.
By 2002, My Chemical Romance had released their first record, “Dreams About Sodomising and/or Being Sodomised” This record sparked the first assassination attempt. The people who were given the job were none other than Metallica. The world felt that these “metal gods” could indeed achieve the task. It was, however, soon realised that Metallica sucked and should have stopped making music after the Black Album or to teach Lars Ulrich a new drum beat. The attempt failed and Gerard soon hired 100 school boys to protect him night and day.
Continued Torment[edit | edit source]
My Chemical Romance continued to make “music” and realised numerous albums, including: I Brought you my Bollocks, you Brought me a Glove Like Being a Whiney Little Bitch Forever Three Cheers for Sweet Sodomy Warped Tour Sodomy Series Life on a Gay Porn Scene The Racist Parade (according to Costa Coffee)
Each record came with a complimentary assassination attempt from the Metal Music for Metalheads (M3) and each failed. The M3 have spent over £12.95 trying to kill Gerard Way. The figure is so low because most people would do it for free.
Download Festival[edit | edit source]
When My Chemical Romance headlined at the Download Festival in 2007, 24 ninjas were placed in the crowd and were to kill Gerard during the performance but the tent was so empty they were spotted instantly and could not withstand the “whiney bitch levels” that were emitting from Gerard at the time and many of them cut their own throats in desperation to escape from the dangerously high “whiney bitch levels”
After the failure at the Download Festival, M3 started to prepare the weapons of mass destruction that they had purchased of Iraq in January 2003 and a strike on Gerard’s home should be ready within 6 to 8 weeks.
Notification[edit | edit source]
This is a list of all of the ninjas that when MIA on attempts of Gerard’s life: Dean Osman Craig Norman Ian Smith Quentin Derricks Reginald Smewin William Shakespeare (robot) Neville Pew Rodger Merryweather Sebastian Coe (robot) Charles Darwin (re-incarnated as a Slovakian priest) Jesus (robot) Jesus 2 (robot) Dash Bored Jesus (plastic)