User:Cat the Colourful/Robot Unicorn Attack

penis

Robot Unicorn Attack is an online game located, who would have guessed it, on the internet. It is a game where the player controls a metallic horse with a dick on the forehead - known to some as unicorns - that runs through space and time in a trippy imaginary world, jumping over holes and breaking rocks out of the way. The game was a huge step on the history of online games and equality of normals and different, as it was the first game that was actually designed really for sci-fi-bronies, in purpose! However, one day after the release of the game in the adultswim-website, it was already played by a million bronies, which lead the site to break of overuse, and it was broken for over a month. To prevent this, the brony-game was banned from all bronies over the world, threading them with cancelling My Little Pony from the TV, and then the game was moved to different adultsites. And now it has a large fansite of people who do bestiality. Wonderful.

Plot

The game's plot is set on far, far in the future, precisely on the year 2014, when humankind is at war with bloodthirsty My Little Ponies. As humans have begun accepting sure defeat and the thoughts of surrending rule in their heads, they are willing to try everything to win the war. And so is the first synthetic, fully equipped Robot Unicorn born, the perfect weapon to end the war...

After this war machine wipes out all humankind out of the map, the world is soon ruled by My Little Warpigs (Friendship is Magic! Resistance is Futile!) and an enormous army of robotic unicorns. Earth is soon turned into a metallic spaceship, which is used to transport ponies and unicorns all over the space to either destroy or enslave every living creature anywhere, take over planets and have gangsex.

...

Ha ha ha, I made all that shit up! Aahahahaha... Did you honestly think that METALLIC UNICORNS would co-operate with My Little Ponies to rule the world and kill the entire population? I mean, that's too absurd! What really happened, is that the ponies killed everyone and laughed hysterically at the pathetic unicorn which had so much weapons attached to it that it couldn't move, and then ate it with Mr-ex777 who had always been secretly a MLP-fan.

Hmm... Unicorn flesh...

But, all this happens after the events of the game, and is propably the plot of the upcoming sequel; Robot Unicorn Attack 2;. Propably. If the sequel comes. Hmm. But anyways, nothing really happens on the game. You just control the damn unicorn through the stage which never ends! Spoiler warning! And this is a good chance to discuss about the controls of this game, which are...

Controls

An artist's idea of the gameplay of the game.

...Z to jump, X to strike. Hard. Against rocks. The unicorn runs by itself, you don't need to press anything to run. Another recommandable move is to press the red X on the right top of this windov, this will help you forget all this unimportant information about controls of the game. And the irony of this is that you still keep on reading and soon can't get those controls out od by your head, despite my warnings. I see, your fingers are slowly moving towards those Z and X, aren't they? Oh yeah, just like that... Good, good boy...

'Variations'

As the game has not an official sequel yet (let's keep up the high hopes of a one with my wonderful plot), the creators of the game have made everything to get as much as money as possible. As basic merchandise like dolls and sextoys weren't enough, the game creators made different 'variations' (with dots around the word) of the game. These didn't really differ from the original anyhow, except they had different background musics and... umm, different backgrounds. But the horse with the dick in the forehead still remains.

Heavy Metal Robot Unicorn Attack

Tells about Robot Unicorn's adventures in Hell, or atleast some place that resembles something similar, like with flames 'n stuff. Which altough does not make sense as Heavy Metal has nothing to with flames or hell. Black or death metal are a lot different subject... Anyways, the game has nothing to do with metal anyways; the game's soundtrack consists of one mainstream pop-song. Nice.

Christmas Robot Unicorn Attack

Tells about Robot Unicorn's adventures in a snowy place, which is pertty stupid because snow isn't automically related to snow. Think about the poor people of southern California, for example. Think about poor RAHB who never gets to play with snow and do snowmen on cold, snowy snowfields with snow falling down the snow white sky... This is why I think this game is pure racism and the creatres of this horror shall all burn in hell. SHAME ON YOU, YOU FUCKERS!

And the only big difference, other than the racist snow, is that the Robot Unicorn has a red noise. And that some really hard heavy metal is heard on the background. Hmm. It is altough waaay better than the alternate soundtrack, which was nothing but a kazoo with a sitar, a vuvuzela and drums playing against it, and with the timing never matching up.

Evolution Robot Unicorn Attack

This game tells about Robot Unicorn's... evolution? What the hell? Is it a Robot Unicorn 2.0? Dude, these game makers these days are really pathetic.