Uncyclopedia talk:Pee Review/UnNews: What Would Cliff Burton Do? (quick)

Discussioning this so as to not cause further edit conflicts...

Thanks again for the quick review. I've taken what you've said so far into account and have started implementing some changes, though I haven't saved them yet.

Some responses:
> it looks like a copy/paste, which is bad;

Yeah, I tried to vary that up more as the article went on (N&C...) It comes and goes, but it's something that should go more. I'll try to work on it.

yup, i noticed that, it was more the intro which was the same because it wasn't content specific.

> i'm not sure who either of the people you mentioned at first are

Don't take this with offense; it's coming more from curiosity, and is completely unrelated to the article or the review. Who are your influences as a bassist? (It's just that I've never met a bassist before who doesn't know who Cliff Burton is, not that it's a bad thing that you don't or anything...) Anyway, I'm going off topic.

yea, it's just my taste in music thats a factor here i guess. i mean, i'm not a "good" bassist, or even "a bassist who doesn't suck", but i've never listened to metallica.

It doesn't really matter who Chuck Schuldiner is, and he isn't actually all that well known outside the group of people who name-drop him for metal cred (as both Dave Grohl (to give a real world example) and the author-character of this article do) and people who are mildly disgusted by how often he is name-dropped for metal cred. I'm not sure how to change this to make the joke more accessible without diminishing its impact for the people who get it. I'll probably just leave that in as an in-joke and hope that you'll forgive me.

i agree, if that's what the angle was then it's fine as-is.

> you actually insert a joke (the beer coaster).

::confused::

i just meant i actualy chuckled, becasue you put down the album in a funny way. you really didn't do this in any other places in the article.

> the content is a bit dense (ie, i'm not a follower of these bands so the rapid-firing of names and albums confuses me), which might turn off readers who are unfamiliar with your topic.

Understood. I'll see what I can do. (I guess the original article wouldn't make sense or be absolutely revolting to anyone who doesn't know who Obama and MLK are...)

okay, good. the difference is that a vast majority of people are familiar with MLK and obama, whereas a much smaller fraction of readers would be familiar with members of the metal scene.

I'm beginning to catch myself thinking that this is a niche article and not for you..., which is a thought I'd like to avoid having. I'm going to step back from this response and come back later. One last thing:

> but it's so well-written that it's just a piece about metallica.

I hope you don't think this is a straight piece about Metallica. Some of the things I was writing made me throw up a little in my mouth (might have been the Nyquil & Cēpacol...) and if I were to publish this as "just a piece about Metallica", I would probably be lynched Never mind that last part. The part where I probably wouldn't actually be lynched is part of why the article is so disgusting. (And I say this as someone who is perfectly comfortable saying horrible things about Metallica.)

okay, i can see that.

I'm not sure how to make this clear to the not-familiar-with-Cliff-Burton crowd. I was kind of hoping that posting at the very top a picture of the bus that killed Cliff would do it, but now that I think about that, it doesn't really help much. Any suggestions?

well, i would say that you probably wouldn't have much luck making this totally accessible to the non-metal crowd. i would say that the first time a person's name is used, give a one-sentence background, and also have a one paragraph background concerning burton. other than that, this will merely stand as an awesome article for those familiar with metallica, and maybe a decent article for those unfamiliar.

Thanks again,

--monika 16:51, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

New slightly related question: Do you (as a random sample of typical readers) hover over links to see where they go? I have a tendency to hide jokes there, and I want to know if this is a bad tendency or not. --monika 16:57, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

i do, unless they're probabl just linking to what their word is (like you or metallica). a good way to get people to mouse over links is to make several consecutive words blue, making it obvious that there is a misdirection link.

i hope i've been at least a little more helpful. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:45, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

You have, thanks.

I've expanded the second paragraph to :
Prior to Cliff's death in 1986, Metallica was considered by most of its fans to be a good band, and his influence and departure is often cited as a primary cause of the band's changing styles. Can one reasonably deduce, based solely on secondary sources and one's own biases, what Cliff would think of Death Magnetic? Would Cliff approve of Death Magnetic? Maybe, maybe not.

This adds a bit of context and explanation for the article, but I'm worried it might be too blatant with the "this is why this entire article is ridiculous" angle. Opinion?

Re: the picture at the end - The primary joke there is the idea that the author won't speculate on the opinions of a living man because it is crass and presumptuous, or more likely, because he could potentially call her on it, but sees nothing wrong with making up opinons for a guy who's been dead 22 years. For people who don't actually know who the man pictured is, it isn't important who the man pictured is, and for the people who do recognize him as Jason Newsted, Metallica's bassist and punching bag and (unsuccessful) scapegoat for 15 years, saying who he is would only diminish the joke. At least, that's my take on it. I'm open to arguments.

--monika 18:59, 11 September 2008 (UTC)

PS. and there's a new picture. Does it work, you think?

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Update: I've declared it doneish and moved it to UnNews. I'm still open to feedback and whatnot. Much thanks again. --monika 00:26, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

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After the fact: I realized you still haven't told me what kind of music you like, or if there are any specific bassists you like. I'm curious, and might have trouble sleeping tonight. --monika 03:27, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

haha, the highlight of my music career was getting a pick from mighty mighty bosstones bassist joe gittleman. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 03:56, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Should I read that as "I like ska", or is that an overgeneralization? :) --monika 03:59, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

P.S. Don't you just love concert souvenirs? I own a single strand of Dave Mustaine's hair.

the bosstones defy categorization. ska kind of sucks. i like a lot of alternative rock, or 'college rock'. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 04:05, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

::nodnod:: --monika 04:17, 12 September 2008 (UTC)