Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Windows 95
Windows 95[edit source]
Okay, so this article is pretty old. It started with half written by me and half written by another user. It wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. However, there have been a lot of edits that really fail "HTBFANJS". The page really got out of hand. I did a major reorganization and rewrite of the whole thing, trying to keep as much new content as possible, but also taking a lot out. My main concern was having the entire article flow - I want it to be a logical read from top to bottom. Second was making sure what was left was funny, and that the jokes flowed and made sense. Please, feedback requested to get this to be a good page. Thanks. --AtionSong 02:13, 18 January 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | OK, nice work doing the tidy up. I'm sure there was a lot of pants in here, good job chopping it out!
For me this article does not score really high on the funny factor. It's a good stab at an Uncyc article on the subject, but as it's not really that funny (for me obviously) and this article only sits there with everything else, and does not really stand out. I had a quick look at some of the other articles in the series though, and your efforts are great. ;-). I think there is a lot of material which you can use to improve this... I'm a bit of an old hat of computing these days and remember the time well. Please excuse the (attempted) history lesson if your know all this, but I you can talk about the history a bit more, here are some suggestions. Did it not come on lots of floppy disks. Maybe suggest this was M$'s contribution towards the Americans national floppy disk quota? Quota as in, countries get a Carbon quota or farming quota. Suggest there was a disk quota M$ doing its part. As you know I'm sure, before 95 M$ admitted that Win 3.1 was actually an "add on" to DOS, with 95 they started to claim that you could actually use 95 without needing to go back to DOS. Maybe you can use a quote from the bible? Maybe use genesis 1:1. something like:
You get the idea... Then talk about Adam (Adam and Eve) picking the fruit from the Apple tree? I'm sure you get what I'm talking about. Make a biblical section, talking about the history, and linking the Apple in somehow. At the time the MAC was very much used for music and desktop publishing, and the "serious" programs were not available for Win 3. Obviously Bill was rather upset about this, maybe say something about his attempts to make MS paint the leading desktop publishing package? M$ prommised that 95 would offer true multitasking. It did not, even on processors after the 286. 286 = not able to do real multitasking, 386+ were able. But M$ did not actually manage it. Did they ever actually??? It pretended to be a real GUI O/S not requiring the command prompt (which Apple had at the time) , but in practice you actually still had to use the DOS prompt for most admin type tasks. Was not until NT, maybe XP that M$'s claims actually started to become true. There was also a WIMP OS called GEM on the Atari ST and something or other on the Amiga which managed to do this. In the 80s! Why did M$ not manage it? What about the delivery time of 95? Did it not actually turn up rather late in the year. Maybe add something about MS starting the tradition of delivering late. 95 was the first M$ OS to really do this, the others followed. Was 95 not the first time we saw the "wizard" you know the helper dude who tries to help you. Maybe have a section on him. Please loose the Wilde quote. People hate quotes from him unless it's a really good suitable one. The one you have is not great. Maybe something more linking windows to glass green houses? Easy to smash?
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| Concept: | 7 | Just an article about 95 really. It might not work if you completely changed the concept behind this, but maybe you could go in a different direction? How about writing the article as though Bill had written it himself? What would happen if Apple had written it? Or what would happen if your grandmother had written it? Your Grangmother might give an interesting perspective on all the promises M$ made, but did not deliver.
You get the idea. Maybe changing the writing style would spice things up a little bit, as currently it's really just a bit "standard". | |||
| Prose and formatting: | 7.5 | Your writing style is good, and the tone is appropriate to the content. I talked about writing style above, so not much more to say here. A few grammar problems here and there, but nothing that a few more reads through would not fix I'm sure. | |||
| Images: | 7 | Again, OK, but not awesome. Maybe use a Blue screen of death saying it was the normal loading screen? | |||
| Miscellaneous: | 7.3 | {{Pee|7.5|7|7.5|7}} | |||
| Final Score: | 35.8 | Good effort here, you have obviously had to wade through a lot of crap to get this into its current state. For me this article is just a bit bland. If (as I suspect) you are interested in making this one really good I think it needs a bit more character and obviously a whole lot more funny. Maybe remove some of the parts which are still a bit lame, and add in some of the suggestions I have made.
This is a tricky article to cover, as most of the geeks around here (obviously myself included) will have a lot to say about this subject, so you really need to nail it to get approval. Good luck with this one. Oh, and when you are finished, most of the others in the windows series need looking at also, get to work! ;-) | |||
| Reviewer: | MrN  14:33, Jan 19
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