Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Buy shares in BAE Systems
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This is a parody of the arms company BAE the third largest in the world and one of the most corrupt. I've tied this in the a resurgenece of the right in the UK and sense that due to the econmic benefit it has somehow become acceptable (if not, then a lot more acceptable). I've added a link at the top to provide information on this pretty closeted affair and hopefully its something that will be liked. Thanks for taking a look:)--Sycamore (Talk) 13:04, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | For an American essentially clueless about British culture, I was surprised to find myself laughing at this. Somehow, you've managed to take British jokes and a British article and make them have universal appeal- there were only a few things that tipped me off this rant wasn't being made by a Brit- first, Brits don't use the word "nigger"- only us fat-ass Americans use that. Second, though I may be wrong, I find it a bit difficult to believe that the British are still obsessed over taking over/destroying the world as they were in the Elizibethan era- you might want to revamp it to make it sound a bit more modern day and realistic. |
| Concept: | 7 | As I said above, it takes some talent to transfer a British joke to a universal one, so good job. Really, there's nothing wrong with your concept, your execution is a bit lacking. In "The Tories" section, it sounds more like a rant than an argument to get someone to buy in BAE- I suggest removing the fucking profanity, because it looks more like an argument to invest if you avoid the potty mouth. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8.5 | You've got a red link in your second section, but other than that, I see no major spelling errors. Really, like I said, the only major problem is with the word choice. This is written half with English i'd expect the Brits would've used in the 30s, and half with modern day English. You should probably get rid of some of the "tally ho, wot wot!" word choices in there, to make it consistent. |
| Images: | 6 | I think you could do more with these. The captions and pictures didn't really make me laugh, and the second one seemed a bit out of place. I'm not exactly sure what specifcally to suggest on this part, the best advice I could offer would be to make your images fit your text better. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 37.5 | Basically, you've got a decent article with a fair share of laughs, and one that appeals to more than just angry Britsh people- good job on that one. There are a few things you can do to improve it, though. First, check your language to make sure it sounds like a British guy. Second, make your article sound like less of a rant and more of a persusasive argument. Finally, i'd like to see you expand just a little bit, as well as add a few more images- the ones you have right now are a bit lacking. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 12:45, 8 May 2009 (UTC) | |