Almost done with this, just want to know how it is coming. - UnIdiot | 
| Talk | Contribs - 02:34, Apr 22
| Humour:
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7.1
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avg of each seckshun.
- =1= intro <6>: Full of contradictions, this is. You say it's "hugely unsuccessful" and then go on to say that "most normal people found the movie 'disturbingly hilarious'." I have two problems here: The first is that, obviously, most people found it crap according to the first sentence of the article (...unless it was a cult classic?) Second of all, who are you quoting when you say they found it "disturbingly hilarious"? Also, you use the word "however" twice in two sentences. You introduce the subject fairly well despite the problems.
- =2= Act 1, Scene 1 <7>: That part where the guy blows his nose is funny, but so far, it's still just the set up for the story. Also, I don't think you should have the parenthesis around the act, scene thing. Just my opinion.
- =3= Act 1, Scene 2 <7>: The black kid thing was funny, but the scene itself is somewhat short.
- =4= Act 1, Scene 3 <8>: So Chex Mix, which I think is okay, is a drug now? Prescription or otherwise? Anyways, yeah, it was funny. I didn't know they don't have it in Britain! They are missing out.
- =5= Act 2, Scene 1 <8>: I suppose that was above average funny. It would make me feel better if you lengthened this article.
- =6= Act 2, Scene 2 <8>: "Mix Fix"? Ha, is this going anywhere, or is this just an Uncyclopedia article?
- =7= Act 2, Scene 3 <6>: Well, only two partial giggles in there: the sexual innuendo thing, and the "I'm not addicted, I just really like it". I'm giving a 6 to make up for my past generosity.
- =8= Act 2, Scene 4 <7>: The name gag thing is funny. The Chex mix = drug thing is wearing thin. Is this supposed to teach us about the evil of Chex Mix?
- =9= Act 2, Scene 5 <6>: black kid being naturally good at track = funny. Everything else feels like filler to me. Writing funny unscripts is really hard for me, so I try to stay away from them.
- =10= Act 2, Scene 6 <6>: Hazy effect description? Funny. The other stuff is kinda meh to me. What, Unidiot? You want an explanation? Uh, well, here's what happened: I read the part about him being on the floor and I thought, "Well of course horrible things are going to happen to him. That's what this story is about." I think I realized that you should probably either chop this story down or combine scenes and then cut stuff out. It's predictable is what I'm trying to say.
- =11= Act 3, Scene 1 <9>: And it finishes strong. Why is this scene 1 of a one scene act? Oh well. I would recommend naming all of these scenes instead of just putting parenthesis around the "titles" of unnamed sections like a fucking criminal.
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| Concept:
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8
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Okay, it's about drugs, bad trips, and all the bad stuff that drugs do. But it's also about Chex Mix! That's weird. One thing I noticed is that more than half of the jokes in this play come from people around Evan, not from Evan himself. Sure, at first it's kinda interesting that chex mix is what made him a beggar on the streets (even though that's not what happened at the end of the article). But at about act 2 scene 1 (section 5), it gets a little predictable. What gets me giggling is the other weird things that happen around him. I guess this should all go in the final comments thing, but you don't need that, do ya?
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| Prose and formatting:
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10
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Looks good.
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| Images:
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5
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No pictures of chex mix? No captions on your rather boring pictures? That's too bad.
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| Miscellaneous:
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7.5
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adsfaaawarf
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| Final Score:
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37.6
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Call if you need help or clarification!
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| Reviewer:
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Le Cejak • <Apr 29, 2008 [21:20]>
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- Yeah, I forgot to mention it wasn't finished quite yet.
- It's good for not being finished. Le Cejak • <Apr 29, 2008 [21:32]>
| Talk | Contribs - 02:34, Apr 22
