Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Iwillkillyou333/Anti-Ugly Pill
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User:Iwillkillyou333/Anti-Ugly Pill[edit source]
The only thing thats not ready is the Uses Section, I'll work on that later - 
19:49, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
I'll get on this sometime tonight. Saberwolf116 19:58, 25 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 3 | I know that's a low score, but i'm not just giving it to be mean- there are quite a few problems here. First off, you're a bit too blunt with your presentation- your first paragraph, for example. It basically screams "THIS GUY WAS BUTT UGLY!!!!", and that really isn't funny, because it gets kind of old really quickly. Try to be a bit more sutble with your humor- instead of pointing out that he was ugly, make your point more subtly- for example: He was quietly ignored by other students, and wss dubbed the "Elephant Boy". That's a bit rough, but you get the idea- don't state your point so blatantly, be more subtle with your jokes and integrate it into an encyclopedia tone more (more on that below). |
| Concept: | 4 | I think your concept can be expanded into a solid article, but you need to make sure you have the right execution. When it comes to pills, drugs and things like that, you should probably stick to a third person, encyclopedic tone; right now you switch too much between first and third person. Example: if you do this, your just back fuck insane. That doesn't really fit the tone of an article that's supposed to be false information about a pill. I'd recommend writing with the typical facts-humor execution- stick to reality and some things that could actually be funny, while cleverly inserting punchlines hidden under the facts. But don't just scream your subject out loud- it turns people off to your article. Maybe you could talk about people who haved used the anti-ugly pill in the past? How effective it is? What medical professionals think of it? Expand on your concept so that it resembles the article on an actual pill, only make it seem ridiculous. |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | You should get a spell check- you made several puncuation and spelling errors throughout the article. Read over this and make sure you've got all your words and spelling are correct. Formatting wise, you have two problems: first, some of your sections are blank (understandable, as this is a work in progress) so your article looks a bit unbalanced- make sure you've got a good amount of text in each section. Next, you don't have any images except for the first, which makes this tedious to read, so you should probably add some (more on that below). |
| Images: | 5 | One picutre, and while it's relevant, that logo you've got on the bottom of the picture kind of takes away some of the bang- you might want to add an original photograph for the intro. Also, for an example of ugly, you could a picture of the Elephant man. Just an idea. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 20 | Basically, you article suffers from a lack of proper direction, You need to write it more like an informative, yet entirely false, pill. You should cite famous ugly people as an example of this and such. Keep working on this- although it is bad right now, it doesn't have to stay that way- just fix up the loose ends and expand upon your concept, and you'll be fine=)
Bottom Line: Make your article more consistent with an encyclopedic entry. Good luck! =) Saberwolf116 04:45, 26 June 2009 (UTC) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 04:45, 26 June 2009 (UTC) | |