Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:DJ Irreverent/UnScripts:Trent Barker, Private Eye
User:DJ Irreverent/UnScripts:Trent Barker, Private Eye[edit source]
For my friend, DJ Irreverent. • <-> Jan 15 (04:29)
| User:DJ Irreverent/UnScripts:Trent Barker, Private Eye is being reviewed by Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him |
Remember, 7=average. • <-> Jan 15 (05:12)
| Humour: | 7.4 | avg of each section
Adequate introduction. It's not hilarious, but I don't think that's what you're trying to go for here. I can see that maybe you're trying to set us up for a parody of radio shows? Interesting.
Ah! Well, obviously this is gonna be more difficult if I don't know who's who. I guess the advice I could give would be to make them like real people. The only way to do it is in a list with a little paragraph after.
holy crap that was funny. "Have another Jack Daniels for protecting our great American way of life." the weird old fashioned quotes plus the goofy sound effects made this section gold.
It got me giggling, and it's good enough for an above average (maybe even way above average). But really, when is "good enough" ever good enough? Make it longer, maybe, and you'll get your reward.
Uh, okay? Well, it was pretty quick and clever. There's a part of me that wants this section to be, uh, longer. I guess that's pretty vague, but it's how I'm feeling. Is Lucy a retard?
Kinda confusing. I don't really know what's going on, but that's okay. I don't think that the actual investigation matters in this. However, I'm lost, and I'm a philosophy major. That says something. Probably just spell it out for us. In fact, spell it out to us like we're retarded, alcoholic children. For example, you could explain about that weird New Jersey/Swamp thing by having the characters have weird, akward expositions at the beginning of every chapter instead of wasting time writing it out yourself in bold. ...Yes. I like that idea.
buh? Dang, I wish I had the impetus to go through your other chapters to figure this out. As it is, its kinda confusing. I like that thing about fish catching you, if you catch my drift.
I like the character interaction here, and I still enjoy the sound effects. However, something seems wrong with the punctuation. Also, that thing about "here's a suggestion..." "no that will never work, but what if I did that exact thing you asked?" is an old joke from, like, the last century. Put a new spin on it, and you won't hear so many groans. ...I mean non-sexual groans. In light of what I've read so far, if you ever wanted to write an article that makes people groan sexually, you're on the right track.
Humor: average. Concept of a commercial interrupting a radio show: nice.
It's an adequate ending, I think. |
| Concept: | 8 | I think the concept is pretty spiffy, myself. However, there are a few things I would do to prepare more for writing this. If you want this to be a beloved article, you should know more about 1940's slang and so forth. I remember watching what some people have called the best film noir ever made: "Double Jeapordy". It really was people in suspendered pants talking really, really fast and starting sentences with "Well what if I said...". Great movie, but pretty dated. Uh, anyways, good article. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Get proofreading in here. It's not bad, it's just distracting. I believe you have problems with putting !'s where they should go. Maybe there are a few times when you just used a comma instead of a period. No big. |
| Images: | 2 | Look, I know it's a radio show. YOU NEED PICTURES. Find black and white pictures of people, things, places... anything. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.9 | {{Pee|7.4|8|6|2}}
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| Final Score: | 29.3 | Oh! Bad score! But it's ONLY because it didn't have pictures. If it had pictures it would be much higher!!! ...Ah! It feels good to review again! I hope I helped, DJ! If you need specific pointers, just call. I am going to be busy over the next while, so keep trying. |
| Reviewer: | • <-> Jan 15 (05:12) | |