Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:Dragonball Z: The Failed Pilot

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UnScripts:Dragonball Z: The Failed Pilot

I assure you this is not just a hunk of useless fan-cruft. I tried to make it as accessible as possible, and it probably helps that I haven't actually watched this show in years. But when I came up with this idea (while I was making a sandwich), I had to turn it into an UnScript. I think it turned out pretty well, but YOU tell ME!

P.S. If possible, I'd actually like to get two reviews of this. One from someone familiar with the series, and one from someone not familiar with the series. Just curious to see how good it is under the judgment of both opinions. Thanks. -RAHB 06:54, 27 May 2008 (UTC)

Familiar with the series

UnScripts:Dragonball Z: The Failed Pilot is being reviewed by CajekHi! Your Source for Fine Scented Pee And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him

Only sorta familiar, but I know you don't care that much.   Le Cejak • <21:25, 27 May 2008>

Humour:	6.6	avg of each section: I'm sick RAHB, so don't expect much of a personality in this review. Yeah. Maybe it'll also be too harsh? I don't know. intro -6- (1) make damn sure we know Goku is the main character (2) typo, et all should be et al. (3) The footnote doesn't add anything, I'd take it out. (overall) whoa, confusing for some reason! I think you got a little excited typing this out maybe? So the characters are real people except for the aliens, which, although part of the plot, are not even in the original script? Your picture says that 8 of them are fake but that everyone in the group "were real people"? Also, I don't really know who some of those people are, but I guess that doesn't matter. 6 = nearly ok, IMO. Scene One: A Nice Family Meal -8- (1) I like large blue polygons as much as the next guy, but which anime motif are you parodying here? (overall) yes, just like I remember of the four episodes of DBZ I've ever seen! 8 = above average. Scene Two: Wandering Through The Woods -7- (1) too much explanation of the dirt. I think one comment would've been enough for the reader. (2) monocle thing: you'd better explain it better than the little footnote... better yet, unless you make good use of it, you'd better throw that little tidbit away. Are you talking about the thing that measures power levels? "I AM OVER TWO BAZILLION!" "OH YEAH, I'M OVER THREE BAJILLION!" "NO, NO ONE HAS REACHED THAT LEVEL SINCE THE SEIYANS OF OLDEN TIMES!" "YES, AND I HAS KOME TO STAHP U! LOL, NEWB!!11" (overall) sure, it got a giggle, but unless you make good use of that power reader thing, leave it out. Editor's Note -6- confuzzled, again! Who's real and who isn't, Rob? Is this a portrayal of real life or not? Noodles: good. Scene Three: The Unveiling -6- (1) all your footnotes are unnecessary, I think. (2) again with the footnotes that don't add anything! (3) okay, the 5th footnote is good, but it doesn't justify the others. (comment) you end the thing with him getting shot? bah! I want a parody of this terrible television show, and by gum, I'm gonna GET IT! /me holds RAHB down and... well, you know the rest. But seriously, the ending was too flat. You could get away with just parodying the HELL out of this TV show. See concept.
Concept:	6	Liked: The small parodies you did of Japanese anime and the like. However, that didn't compensate you for the LACK of over-the-top anime action you DENIED us! I want you to go on and on about the crazy battle they had that lasted, like, ten episodes! No guns, dammit! Also, I would like a little more explanation of the scenery: just for stylistic reasons, so we can imagine where the characters are standing. Here's the problem: it's only kinda a parody. I wrote an article called Star Gate by the Beijing Opera or something, and it wasn't that hard: I took a well known archetypal story and just fucked with it by (1) not really knowing what the ending was going to be, even as I was writing it, and (2) adding stereotypes of <insert country here>. That's what you need to do here. Make an American version of this crazy anime show, or go way overboard with it. DO SOMETHING! Don't cut us off with Vegeta being killed! Lose the "this is how it really happened" thing: it's too confusing. Aaaanyway, this counts as your final comment. So there.
Prose and formatting:	9	No problems (except that one).
Images:	6	Well, you only had two pictures, each with characters just standing still. Yawn-ish, I would say.
Miscellaneous:	6.9	avg
Final Score:	34.5	no. No final comment for my good friend, RAHB.
Reviewer:	Le Cejak • <22:23, 27 May 2008>