Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Warrant sent out for the arrest of the Wonderpets
UnNews:Warrant sent out for the arrest of the Wonderpets[edit source]
User:Mrthejazz/sig 14:31, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
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This raptor is guarding this article while his master, Iwillkillyou333 is reviewing it. Be Careful! He Bites. |
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Director
WILL
YOU 333 22:13, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
12 hours or less
- Will have to finish this tomarrow due to some personal issues--
Director
WILL
YOU 333 07:44, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | I think the article is ok humor wise. It’s not really a seriously laugh out loud article, but it is an interesting one. However, the main problem isn’t really what you’re doing wrong; it’s that you didn’t put things that can also make the article funnier. For example, you should add criticism of Ming-Ming’s way of talking. In real life I heard people do complain about that, so you should definitely put that in. A second idea is to have someone complain that the Wonderpets teaches kids to go near wild animals, which, despite looking friendly, might cause the kid harm. Another thing that can make the article funnier is having children form a petition that goes against the warrant and kids going on strike and holding picket signs in front of the Capital. Adding more ideas to the article can help expand the humor on the article. |
| Concept: | 10 | I do not usually do UnNews because on how sort they can be, but I decided, “what’s the harm?”
A pretty good read I say so myself. In terms of concept, you chose a subject and stuck to with without adding anything off-topic. Although I don’t really see that happen in UnNews (probably someone else has), but it’s a good thing that you just stayed on topic. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | While checking, I spotted no spelling or grammar errors. The tone of the article is also 100%; you used a 3rd person tone and only going to 1st person when you go to a quote or something being said by a person.
The main problem here, however, is that you didn’t really word you sentece’s right. “Dr. Wolpier, animal psychologist, stated in a press conference today that,” this should be beside the quote, because that’s how it’s always done. ” Ollie, a rabbit most famous for working with the Wonderpets and attempting to copy the Wonderpets' actions, only to endanger himself, one time actually was sprayed by a skunk. Ollie's mother has threatened litigation.” I think I’ll be better if you worded like this, “Ollie, a rabbit who sometimes joins the Wonderpets on their mission, often try to copy the Wonderpets actions. But due him being less experienced and less mature, as well as the fact he acts before he thinks, often endangers himself in these missions, with one time resulting in him being sprayed by a skunk. This upsets Ollie’s mother, who has threaten has threatened litigation.” See how better that sounds? I’m going to leave the rest up to you, and reword sentences just like. I just showed you. |
| Images: | 7 | The images are pretty good, although the caption in the first image could be changed to something like “US spy planes have taken these photo during the latest Wonderpets mission” You should also Photoshop a picture (or ask someone here to Photoshop for you) a image of a wanted sign with each of the Wonderpets picture and saying wanted dead or alive. That’s primarily up to you, but it’s a good idea. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | My overall grade of this article |
| Final Score: | 40 | It’s a good work, but it has a few ups and downs. But nothing like a little tweaking can’t fix. If you have any questions/comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer them. Good Luck! Cheers! |
| Reviewer: | --DirectorWILLYOU 333 19:00, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
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