Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:The secret diary of Andrew Murray, aged 20¾
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UnBooks:The secret diary of Andrew Murray, aged 20¾[edit source]
The latest in my one-man campaign to make tennis the best category in Uncyclopedia. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey) 14:17, 15 December 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | I enjoyed reading this, and it's funny in places but I do feel there is space for more laughs. Like any fictional diary, the humour arises from the 'writer' displaying absolutely no objectivity whatsoever about themselves and what they're writing, so despite the fact that Murray's a good tennis player, he could overexaggerate his skills and ability to the point of meglomania. "I want to be better than Britain's number one!" Also, being a Scot, you should crank up the 'We Hate The English' aspects. It's a stereotype, I know, but the chip on AM's shoulder does support it somewhat. Also, I think he should express some unrealistic views on the public's perception of him - He could believe he is the most popular sportsman ever to walk the earth and that he is a shoe-in for BBC's Sports Personality of the Year ... Every year! (Regardless of the achievements of other sports stars). He mistakenly believes everyone loves him, particularly married women. Maybe he invents an imaginary stalker? There could also be a unreciprocal rivalry between Henman and himself. "I want my own Henman Hill!" Murray mound, perhaps? Maybe he thinks Lucy Henman secretly fancies him? I like the fixation you've given him about his 'beard'. Although you could increase this. |
| Concept: | 7 | It's a good idea, although I'm sure you're aware it's been done before using John Major (by Private Eye, I think) But with this type of concept, the idea lives or dies by the choice of 'diarist' and AM is a very good choice. While he is a very able tennis player, on the rise, and sure to win Wimbledon one day, you may have spotted I'm not a great lover of Murray the man. Or I should say, the way Murray comes across. At times, he is a PR disaster waiting to happen and at present, doesn't have the public on his side. So your using Murray is a good choice. The Murray in your article comes across as a boy who's yet to become a man. It's the obvious route, but sometimes 'obvious' can be 'funniest'. It really rests on whether you don't mind taking the piss out of him. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Very well written. It certainly obeys the constricts of the diary format. Grammar and spelling seem fine. But you could extend the article to include various dates over the course of 2008, to cover the major grand slams rather than just restrict yourself to January. |
| Images: | 8 | Good images, although maybe you could add a couple with unflattering poses which Murray could mistakenly believe as being "ideal for the cover of GQ!" |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.8 | I think overall, v. good. It's certainly got legs. (And 2 fully operational ankles) |
| Final Score: | 38.8 | You have provided a solid foundation on which to build an effective & funny article. Keep it up. |
| Reviewer: | --OliverKnight 18:47, 15 December 2007 (UTC) | |