User:OliverKnight
Hello, <insert name here>! Are you still shaving your legs?
My Name Is Oliver Knight.
When I tell people I'm a comedy writer, the first response I get is Say something funny, then.
Gadzooks! I have chosen a profession where you are
instantly expected to prove it. I hope Gynaecologists don't
have the same problem!
10 Things To Hate About Me[edit | edit source]
1. I once went on date with woman who told me she was a rally driver. Imagine my horror when I discovered she meant she drove the minibus that ferried neo-nazis to their annual get-together.
2. When I'm in a depressed mood, I listen to Enya's "Orincco Flow" many times in succession. It depresses everyone around me, instantly cheering me up.
3. I once dressed up as a tart for a fancy dress party but was arrested by police on the way there for attempted prostitution. The policeman drove me to an alleyway and tried to procure my services! In the most obvious way imaginable, I had to prove I was really a man. But this seemed to make policeman even more keen.
4. I once cooked a surprise anniversary meal for my parents when I was 8. I gave them food poisoning. More of a shock than a surprise, really.
5. For a bet I once went nude jogging through Hampstead Heath. Talk about swimming with sharks!
6. I failed my driving test on a technicality. I reversed round corner incorrect, that's all. And I failed to make effective use of mirrors or something. And I broke speed limit. And I failed to pull away from a stationary position. And I failed to make proper use of gears. Then I knocked down that dog.
7. For a 3 week period in 1992, I kept on being recognised as 'him off the telly' and people stopped me in street and pestered me for an autograph. Then it all stopped. To this day, I am clueless as to who they thought I was.
8. I am allergic to Celine Dion. Whenever I hear her singing, I start vomiting.
9. I once sent a spec James Bond screenplay to Cubby Broccoli about a jewish villain called Goldberg.
10. I lost my virginity at age 22 to a woman with a voice like Truman Capote.
11. I have issues with numeracy.
Articles I've Created[edit | edit source]
Do They Know It's Christmas? (1983 Version)[edit | edit source]
Carry On Film[edit | edit source]
The Gaylord[edit | edit source]
Ars Bandeet[edit | edit source]
Other People's Articles I Have Fiddled With[edit | edit source]
Christmas Number Ones[edit | edit source]
Carry On Films[edit | edit source]
EastEnders[edit | edit source]
Turned the Nation's Favourite Laughterhouse into something vaguely resembling the Bible. Come on, the BBC treat this poxy show like it's the Second Coming, anyway!
