Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth (good review please)
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UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth [edit source]
Looking to get a few things answered. Is the length good, or should I add another section or two? Does my wording/language stay consistant throughout, and is there anywhere where the wording gets bogged down? Ummmm..... I think that might be it. Oh, and funny of course.
I just got a review a couple of seconds ago, but it wasn't a good one, so can an experienced reviewer get this one, please? Woody On Fire! 
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:46, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8.5 | Well done, Woody! You've got an original idea, good execution, and funny jokes- all the makings of a feature. However, while this is very good as it is, I think you could expand on it more to make it go on a broader range. Joke-wise, I think you should focus on some of the miracles Jesus did-I believe there was something about him turning water into fine that you could have this guy expose as a fallacy? You have a lot of potential for conceptual expansion, which i'll get into below. |
| Concept: | 7.5 | Excellent concept, and can be expanded quite a bit. Right now, however, you're a bit skimpy on the details: you list out the basic well known beliefs that Christians have about Jesus, but I was still left hungering for more. Take the last section: I kind of felt like you left me hanging, and that you were going to write more. I'd recommend establishing a proper conclusion towards the end, with Jesus stating why he believes the mix-up happened, as well as his retrospective on the Bible in general, and the beliefs it entows. You also might want to get into the other sections of the Bible: for example, what does Jesus think of the Book of Revelation? Does he think it's right? Does he agree with the parts of the Bible that say being gay is wrong? I also think you should make that part about Judas into a full section- does Jesus, putting all things into perspective, regret chosing him as a disciple? The possibilites for an article about Jesus refuting things in the Bible are endless- while this might be featured now, and I think it would be a shame if you didn't expand this article so that it covers some other controversial aspects of the Bible. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7.5 | There are a couple of problems. First, you have an excess of redlinks. I think you should check what you link to just to make your article exists. Another problem is that I think you could improve on your text-image placements. Make sure your images aren't so big that they overlap into other sections. Also, your "Walking On Water" section is a bit short compared to your other ones, so I think you should expand it and slap an image on it. |
| Images: | 7.5 | They're decent. They illustrate your article well without ever being break-out funny (though I did laugh at the bachelour party one). If you're going to take my advice and expand it, however, you can play around with a lot of images. For a section on Revelation, you could steal a shot from this trailer. If you wanted to talk about Jesus and gay people, take the image from Gay Jesus. You could make a lot of good images fit with this article, so keep an eye out. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | My overall grade of the article. |
| Final Score: | 39 | This is a very good article that would probably make VFH. However, I think it could be much better if you expanded on it. To recap, go more in-depth into other parts of the New Testament, and add Jesus' commentary appropriately. Obviously, add some good images for new sections, and make sure that you avoid an excess of red-links. I'll be looking forward to what new things you decide to add (if you want to).
Bottom Line: Write about more of Jesus' experiences, capitalize on your concept. Good luck! =) |
| Reviewer: | Saberwolf116 02:55, 24 June 2009 (UTC) | |