Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick
UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick[edit source]
This is a Loooooong article. I don't expect line-by-line or anything. Just want to know how well/if this works at all. Gracias. Woody On Fire! 
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:47, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Do not fear, I got this one. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
Currently Pending. It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you.
| Humour: | 8 | Well, Woody, I think you have an excellent set of jokes here- I think this is VFH potential, but not yet. There are a couple changes you have to make in order for this to be big-time funny.
First of all, since you excel at UnBooks, and it is clearly your forte, I knew I would like this, and I did, but not as much as some of your others, like UnBooks:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion. That was probably your best and it is not up to par. But since I am an article reviewer, not an article critic, I will show you how to make this better. I see one of the main jokes is linking to 8, I am a serious sports fan, so it was funnier to me than to the average person, but to the average person it would probably get tedious. In HTBFANJS, there is a little section about beating jokes into the ground. You executed it far better than most do, but still. I also recommend, getting rid of the part about Club Crackers. That's just gross and doesn't belong in the article, so change that up for sure. The part I liked the most is in the beginning of the article, where the narrator keeps losing his cool in front of Monica, and then says something like "YEEEAH! I win again!" That really showed the persona you gave to the narrator- the can't-get-to-the-point kind of character that really worked with the storyline. Also, I was lenient with the score. |
| Concept: | 7 | The concept of this article is kinda complex, a high school(?) student whose hatred on Michael Phelps gets in the way of his relationship goals with his crush. Anybody who has read a book about a loser teenager would relate to this immediately. However, the execution left something to be desired, especially when you compare it with your old articles, as I stated above. I like the choice of the athlete- Michael Phelps, who is a huge part of his sport and pop culture. I really liked the part about the bong, it was the best example of excellent execution, and it fit into the article great. I would like to stress the juvenile point of the article a little more, it would help put across the nerdy-juvie mix character you are trying to portray here. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Only okay. I saw a couple misspelled words, and forgotten commas, which I kinda let slide, but I hated it when you capitalized your letters and I thought you could have bolded those. The pictures fit into the prose decently. Watch out for spelling mistakes when you make edits and do what I said above, and you should be fine. |
| Images: | 8.5 | Nice images, well placed, funny, great captions. The one of the bong could be a bit tinier, but yu should be fine when it comes to images. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.4 | used pee template. |
| Final Score: | 36.9 | Okay, when I get here, I usually get right down to the bottom line, so here:
Great article, put another coat of paint and then put it up on VFH. :-) |
| Reviewer: | It's Me Bitches! Don't worry, I won't kill you. | |