Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Tom Brady
Tom Brady[edit source]
Guildensternenstein 05:30, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
For the record, that 'large amount of white space' you talk about is where two videos go that demonstrate where the two things I talk about in the section prior (losing the SB and getting hurt). It's not my fault that your computer can't load them. The reason I bash Tom Brady is because a.) All the pages on people essentially bash them in one way or another and b.) I could say random-ass shit that has nothing to do with the rest of anything (Tom Brady fights dragons in his spare time and was born in Castillian Spain!), but that would be pointless. What's the point of an article of it doesn't say or convey anything? I really can't blame you for not finding Tom Brady funny. Seeing as you write about hovercars and boxes, I really don't peg you as a "sports person." Don't take that as a personal assault; it isn't, but I'm sure you see what I mean and will agree with me. I really don't understand how I can score a five in prose etc. when I haven't got a single spelling or grammatical mistake. Typically, when someone does good in something, you give them a high score. Or maybe that's just me. *shrugs* The reason each section is so brief is I wanted to be dismissive of Tom Brady, which was another running joke of the article you didn't seem to catch on to. In his early life, for instance, I dismiss most of it and then say that I do in brackets because "nobody cares." Hence, Tom Brady is so unimportant that his early life is not worthy of record, even in an "article" about him. Please don't think I'm bashing you personally; I'm not, but I am certainly going to submit this for a second opinion.
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Tagstit doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.
While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list. |
| Humour: | 3 | Alright, I will try to be as in depth as I can here. Remember, a low score is never anything personal, I am just trying to tell you how good you are in the big scheme of things. First of all, there is a big problem with your concept, which in turn, ruins your humor. What I mean by this, is that often time writing about athletes or authors is a bad idea. The main reason behind this, is that the articles tend to get very random. Your humor style throughout this article, is just a bashing style. Articles that only talk about how gay a guy is and how horrible he is often end up pointless and boring to read. Try going into more detail about his maybe bad career in a different way. Don't spend an entire article bashing a guy. That is not only not funny, but also it has been done before. Also, cussing every other word in an article doesn't make it funny. I know you CAN be funny, because that list was pretty funny, you just have to find a better way to direct your humor. |
| Concept: | 3 | The concept is hit pretty hard too for much of the same reasons humor is. Before I say anything, my MAIN piece of advice would be to scrap this entire thing. Just forget this entire idea and try to start new. This is a VERY hard topic to make good. If you really want to do this and there is nothing that can talk you out of it, at least redirect this. Take it a new, fresh direction that you haven't read before. Be original with the jokes and your concept will improve drastically. Again, jokes on gay bashing has been done before |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | I have three problems here and each are pretty important that you fix. First, you have to get rid of the short paragraphs serving as entire sections. About every section is no more than a paragraph long, and it makes for a very messy feel in the end. Second, there is a HUGE white space in the middle, and you need to fix that right away. It makes the entire article seem crappy in style. Finally, direct the flow of material a little better. Add more material so that it flows from one thing to the next. |
| Images: | 6 | There are two pictures, each aren't hilarious and fail to add any humor to your article. The first is just creepy. They do help move your story forward though. Add one more and put better captions under to improve this score. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 21 | Well, this is a hard topic and you do take it a bit in the wrong direction. I will do your other one now to see if its any better but as for this one, I would say just forget about it and try on a new topic. I hope this helps! If you need anything just ask on my talk page. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | --Tagstit 17:16, 20 January 2009 (UTC) | |