Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Goode Family
The Goode Family[edit source]
This page needs expansion. Any good ideas?MrCleveland 22:19, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
MrCleveland 22:19, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
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Not under user but under review. So, smile. |
User:Zheliel • Talk 05:13 October 20
| Humour: | 4.999 | Generally - Listy. Did you read HTBFANJS? If you didn't, please read it. It's way too listy, just like the Wikipedia articel. Also, random. You stuff in everything into this article, from Wicca to Al Gore to Vietnam... Try to make it focus on just one thing. Maybe focus on Al Gore. It makes sense. And if you want to expand this article, include some interesting things which happened to them, from the show. Alternatively, come up with some random stuff and fit it into the article, and write that it was the Goodes which did those stuff.
Introduction - There's something wrong with the third line. How does Chicago and Illinois connect to each other? (Of course, other than the fact that they are both states in America) That's unnecessary. Same with the New Age and Al Gore. Just use one of them (either new age or al gore, Illinois or Chicago). Personally, I'd recommend them worshipping Al Gore in Illinois. The Goodes - Expand the sections by including the characters' relationship with the other characters. Also, include certain interesting details for all the characters.Gerald Goode's bio is contradicting itself. How can Gerald Goode claim to be the woodstock baby if we know his parents are vegans? And the "parents would protest against vietnam" is useless. Keep the bike thing, though. It's coherent with the real show. For Helen, the sentences are too long. And shouldn't it be that her parents never forgave Helen for voting Carter? Also, remove the Obama. It's too cliche. For Bliss, does she think Bush is the worst, and that her parents are the worst as well? Or that Bliss and her parents think that Bush is the worst? You might want to clarify this. Also, how can a vegan dog eat meat? Craves meat - fine. But eats meat is contradictory. You might want to say that Che always licks its tongue when it sees meat but always controls itself by restraining from meat. You might want to add something about Halal. The Charlie part is perfectly fine, though it's kind of weird. The sentences are pretty long, you might want to work on that. Reaction - Not everyone knows who or what Beavis or Butthead is, so you might want to use everyday names like "the simpsons". For the last section, write who or what "this" is. If not, it would get pretty confusing. |
| Concept: | 6 | If you expand this article, it might turn out to be quite fine. There's enough humour for an article of this size, but stop the randomness. It totally destroys the article. However, the Mike Judge thing is pointless. Sure, you might want to add the crew of the show, but not everybody knows who or what Mike Judge is.
Obama shouldn't be there either. |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | "Generally' - Many grammatical errors. You used the future tense (Helen - "in the 1980s, she would support...") when you should have used the present tense. You also used the past tense (Gerald - "worship the earth, and even hung-out with...") when it should have been the present tense. Lots of work to do. Alternatively, you might want to just add the Category Category:Proofread to the article, then somebody The Goodes - You might want to make them into sections (== The Goodes == for the section, and "===" for each subsection. i.e. === Gerald Goode ===). It makes it less listy, more organized, and it makes it look longer. For Gerald Goode, remove the "was" from the "was claimed to be" at the first line. Also, put a spacebar after the three dots (...) at the Opening and at the Charlie section, and "they even hung-out" at the Gerald Goode's section should be "they even hang out". Also, don't swear. It's mean. |
| Images: | 4 | Bad. One picture, excluding the wikipedia thing. MS Painty. Go request an article. Also, the black then white makes the article look ugly. The font does not match at all. Just request pics. Find pictures for the other characters, but only put in one or two: good for the article. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4.7 | Averaged, |
| Final Score: | 23.699 | I don't really know much about the Goode family, so my opinion might be kinda biased. |
| Reviewer: | User:Zheliel • Talk 06:03 October 20 | |
Thank you for the ideas. I dumped the Vietnam and Wicca stuff, and I also took-out the name Obama and Loopy de Loop because that's already mentioned in the 'Trivia' section of the page.
The Family Guy pic came from this idea....
For some reason, I couldn't get the pic right. It came-up black instead of white, so if you can edit the pic, I would appreciate it.