Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Exorcist
The Exorcist[edit source]
Hi. --Black Flamingo 20:23, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Hello. Mine. Pup 10:58 25 Feb '12
| Humour: | 8 | Okay, I'm going to try and do this review a paragraph or two at a time, and not try and read ahead. I have no idea if this will make the review better or worse, but it'll definitely mean that there is some depth to it.
Paragraph 1 is unfunny. I guess it's probably deliberately unfunny as it's setting up the remainder of your article. Basically the straight guy establishing the premise of the joke. I'd like a throw away line in here, like It is one of the most successful and acclaimed films of the horror genre, and is often called "the scariest movie of all time" by critics and girl guides alike. Not a great line, I'll admit, and I'll admit I would prefer something with a little more subtlety. Alternatively if there was a reference here to a quote by Friedkin himself, just as a footnote attachment (<ref>), basically saying it's the scariest movie of all time. P2: Yeah, that line at the end. That's the kind of thing I meant above. Good line, slipping from straight to comedic almost as an afterthought. Well delivered. Also sets up a potential concept of this is going to go through the urban legends thing. P3: And the punch line of the lede. Only thing I'd do here is use this as the opportunity for one word repetition. ..played by former child actor, Linda Blair (deceased)) and the attempts of two priests (played by Max Von Sydow (deceased) and Jason Miller (likewise deceased). the last half of the paragraph, though, works well as is. Plot: P1 & 2: They work in together, so comment together. Not sure if the panicking Arabs superstition line really works. The exploding camel definitely does. If there was a link back to ...camel. No foul play was suspected. gives a tenuous link between panicking Arabs and terrorism. I'm not sure. P3: There could be ...no puberty I've ever seen!" exclaims her mother, who had had no previous experience with adolescent boys. here. Otherwise the joke works well. P4 & 5: Okay, that last line caught me by surprise. I liked that one. Maybe something here referring to the degradation of doctors training in a system of "user pays" health care. P6: I'd move the line from the previous paragraph both a priest and a psychologist to here. Don't know why, but the combination of priest and alternate profession (like the priest and archeologist of above) does bring a smile to my face, but whereas the line gets lost above, it would stand out a little more at the start of this paragraph. Also talking backwards should refer somehow to "Stairway to heaven". Maybe just as a link. And thanks for linking to my userspace. P7: A-ha! And here I'd change it to Father Merrin, in addition to being a priest and an archeologist is also an experienced exorcist. I'd probably leave the rabbis out of it though. I think the joke would work better if it were just real life priests. Concentrate on one faith at a time. P8: Slight technical issue here. The pop-up image doesn't work on iPhone, and may not work on other smart browsers. By adding a {{fakelink}} in there it does. Lyrithya created a template to do this effect as well. I have no idea what it is called, but that may make the coding a little tidier. As for the humour in this - the ambiguity does add a little humour, but making it more ambiguous may help. Maybe Regan eventually recovers to all outward appearance and doesn't appear to remember anything about her possession. Cast: Not breaking this down. The only thing I'd add to this is ... was found dead with his face frozen in shock, as if he'd seen something terrible, and his pants around his ankles. It adds a slight dimension of WTF to the death, and as long as it's never mentioned again has a lovely air of an open storyline. As the horror genre does this constantly, why should the article do any less? The rest of it: Yeah, I got lazy. The Hollywood Motel where they we're staying should later on explode. That technical issue I mentioned before is also in the last paragraph, obviously. I didn't check all your links, so I apologise if I missed one. ...Lucifer by two of their own priests. should be the end of the paragraph. At the end of the last paragraph I'd add Which haven't exploded. Yet. |
| Concept: | 7 | I have never seen this movie. I've seen the Leslie Neilson parody of it, which I can't quite recall the name of.
But all said I like the concept, and the execution is pretty solid. I'd like a little more punch at the end though. And I have no idea what the first part of the plot has to do with the rest of it. I'm assuming it's next to nothing - a common thing in the genre - and so I'd be inclined to add something about that in here. How I'd add that I don't know. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Other than those minor technical issues - and that's just cross browser support - well formatted. I didn't spell check or pore over grammar with a fine tooth comb. Johnny Appleseed has a talent for proofing though. I'd ask him for a once over. |
| Images: | 7 | Suitable. Funny. Right size, positioning and formatting. Pazuzu(sp?) could be bigger. Beyond that, no issues. |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | Honestly if you ignored everything I said here and put it up for VFH as it is I'd vote for. The main issue I have is that it needs a better ending, or at least a bit more punch there.
Hope you get enough out of this review to work with. If there is a particular sticking point, you can find me at the bar. |
| Final Score: | 37 | |
| Reviewer: | Pup 12:04 25 Feb '12 | |