Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Sarah Palin addresses the Australian Tea Party
Sarah Palin addresses the Australian Tea Party[edit source]
I'd like to know mainly how to format this, as it's not really an article, however it is not an UnNews story. Of course, anything to do with humour and the like will be greatly appreciated.--Username18 KUN FP 05:29, May 4, 2011 (UTC) Ill take it :) --ShabiDOO 21:15, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8.5 | Lets go over the humour. Great start with the reference to freedom. Its a good energy. Next paragraph, its okay, but maybe you can find something funnier than Regan. Next paragraph, very funny...might be good to change the order but dont change this paragraph, its gold. I dont really get the next paragraph, but then thats just me. Love the fox news paragraph...very funny and well crafted. I love the mindlessness of the next paragraph, even though it sounds a little too clever to have been written by her. But still, baby kangaroo, i laughed out loud. I laughed out loud more with the woo in the following paragraph. The next section, lamestreammedia, its cute, but i think the time that it takes to see it, register it and go wah wah takes away from the energy of the text. Mainstreamer media may not be as funny but it refers to it, jabs at it without taking away from the energy, but thats just a suggestion. Next P is ok. Talking about attacking the left, might be better crafted but good point and very funny.
Next paragraph about not being Americans, perfect. Next one, mieh mieh its okay. The following made me laugh out loud really hard. Please dont change it. The next paragraph is funny. The one about palling around, there are a couple issues. First, palling around reminds me of Palin, and it might not be a good idea to use a negative verb refering to the subject of the article when the locutor is saying it (i.e. try not to mix the speaker with what she is saying). It may sound petty, but that was my reaction, and might be better to find another verb. As well the muslim comment at the end, I have mixed feelings about it. Its a bit of an easy joke, and just about anything at the end of that paragraph could be funny. Could you perhaps replace it with something more clever. It just seems a little out of the cliche line which you have avoided up until now. Next two paragraphs, they are good though slightly out of tune with the rest of the article. The next paragraph, i dont get what you mean by, talk is cheap except in my video. Sorry. Next paragraph is verry funny. Next p: Even if we die we have to, gramatticaly doesnt work and im not positive what you mean to say though i can guess. Second last P: Verry funny. Last one a bit of a watery ending. Overall I really like the tone of the articles humour, though it does get a little sidetracked at times. |
| Concept: | 7 | The idea so far is great. Its a speach i assume. As far as I can tell, the concepts are; Sarah Palin has no idea what she is talking about, she interweaves a couple buzz concepts she knows with little semi facts about places and ends her ideas with woot woot; she has no actual agenda and is building power and gaining money while she does whatever she does; she is ignorant of Australia and applies her Americanisms to the country and could easily modify the speach to any other place. Could there be more? Maybe it is really funny enough, and injecting anything into it would be taking away from the article. What about showing some personal slack in the article? Could you inject some of her own insecurity about the future, admiting that shes a little lost, that she is desparate for money (a little more clearly), that she has few political friends? Ofcourse, without directly saying it? Just a thought. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | really really well written, except for one gramatical problem and the palling verb. As for formatting, there are many possibilities. You could make it an UnScript. Or an UnBook and get some pictures into it. At the same time there is no reason why you can´t make it a normal article, condense them all into larger paragraphs with some really well chosen and placed images. It occured to me at some point that you could make all these paragraphs seem like tweets, though i dont know how you would reconcile that with it being a speech. If it is an unscript, you would be able to add in brackets funny things like (takes a sip of water while she prepares smile number 2) or something like that. Adding photos of all her different smiles. Anyhoo, ideas to inspire you. |
| Images: | 1 | Okay image, though she has far more plastic smiles in other pics. |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | Ten for encouragement, it really is a great idea and seems 90 percent done and what is there is pretty funny and well crafted. |
| Final Score: | 35.5 | Hope it helps and im sure it will be featured in no time once its up. |
| Reviewer: | --ShabiDOO 21:47, May 4, 2011 (UTC) | |