Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Lettuce (resubmit)

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Lettuce

Well I worked on this a bit since my last review. I added the 'translation page' which I think is funny, but I might be under some kind of influence, so what do I know, right? Basically, I'm looking for someone elses point of view on this page, and where can I go with it from here.... -- Spillin DylanTALKEDITS05:01, Dec 16

I'll give it a go for you. --OliverKnight 17:51, 16 December 2007 (UTC)

Humour:	6	This could be much, much funnier. How about enlarging the History to include more about Lettuces (Letti? I dunno if there's a plural) down the years. The lettuce is such a boring item, there's a lot of humour to be mined from overexaggarating it's uses and importance. Maybe the troops ate lettuce before the Normandy landing? Maybe Spielberg wanted to use it in the first scene of Saving Private Ryan but was forbidden permission by the Lettuce Marketing Board? How about including instances of people who've been addicted to lettuce and how they tried to wean themselves off the salady substance? Moving on to protest groups who try to get 'Crack lettuce' off the streets and out of the schools? How about the Iceburg variety being named after the lettuce that was served the night The Titanic sank? An advertising campaign to put lettuce 'back on the map'? What about examples of how lettuce was used in the 18th Century as a medical cure for piles or gonorrea? Maybe lettuce saved someone's life once? Despite my suggestions on overexaggaration, try to keep it true to the universe (more or less realistic) - don't include references to Zombie Jesus or the Easter Bunny or women's diseases. Ground the article in 'reality' (if you know what I mean).
Concept:	6	It's a good concept, but you should make much more of it. There is certainly a good base here. Big up the humble lettuce - Make it the most important food item ever to be grown!
Prose and formatting:	8	You write very well and I can see no grammar problems or speling mitsakes. I like the casual way in which you write, too - it's light and breezy and easy to read. You have a nice style to your writing and that is very much in evidence here. However, some of the text is a bit stop/start with a couple of instances of short sentences. Make the paragraphs flow smoother which they will without the randomness (Easter Bunny, Zombie Jesus, etc).
Images:	6	The images are good, I suppose once you've seen 1 lettuce, you've seen them all, but your pics are quite imaginative and humourous.
Miscellaneous:	6.5	Lose the translation page. I know you liked it, but it added nothing.
Final Score:	32.5	The article needs a lot more work, but you certainly have the ability to fufil its true potential. It's a very good start, and keep at it. I think you can turn it into a very fine article.
Reviewer:	--OliverKnight 18:51, 16 December 2007 (UTC)