Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Understand Jersey Shore
HowTo:Understand Jersey Shore[edit source]
Up until now, there has been no suitable satire of Jersey Shore, and that show is just too good a satire gold-mine not to milk to death. 
Pirate Lord__Sonic80 (Yell • Latest literary excretion) __ 01:47, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- I see a review is in progress. Just wanted to say, I loved this article. Good job! IronLung 00:07, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | I really enjoy your biting sarcasm, but Uncyclopedia is not necessarily about bashing a certain topic into the ground with brute force. I feel at points you could have been subtle in your delivery. The best case of this blatant delivery is when you explain the "landmine." You seem to make it a point to take on an insulting tone and rely on shallow statements to deliver the joke.
With that said, I really loved your ability at certain points in the article to use an encyclopedia-like tone. Your decision to do so provides the real humor in this article, and convinces me that this article can be great with some tender love and care. You also do well with your approach to the "grenades," but the end of the description seems a little out of place with the reliance on "bangable" to humorously describe the more attractive friends. One approach you could consider here (and throughout the whole article for that matter) is one similar to an Animal Planet documentary in which you describe the mating habits of these spiky-haired beasts. You may also want to consider adding to your definition of the common "guido." Perhaps you could provide a brief history regarding this sub-human race and its genesis. As I said, there are some humorous parts, but you can improve the article by being consistently funny with your jokes rather than critical. |
| Concept: | 9 | I'll keep this part brief, seeing as you have already made some great points with your article that really speak to this being an awesome concept. The Jersey Shore is very hard to grasp due to its overt simplicity and stupidity, which is a point you referred to quite often. I am really excited to see a polished article involving the show! |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | I found your grammar to be a little rough, and sometimes it made the piece tough to understand at first glance. I think your primary objective needs to be fixing the run-on sentences. A prime example of an unnecessarily drawn out sentence is the introduction: it has way too many commas and not enough periods. Other than that, just check your conjugations and spelling and you'll be fine. |
| Images: | 5 | The images are decent, though they could be enhanced with funnier captions. For example, the group shot could have a caption such as "The creatures of Jersey Shore in their natural habitat." I'm sure you can come up with something. I just find that picture to have a so-so caption with the question that you pose |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.8 | The above is an average of the scores. Do not fret though, for your article has great potential despite what numbers may say. |
| Final Score: | 33.8 | I cannot stress the importance of authority in your tone, for it aids greatly the satirization of encyclopedias. Find the passages in which you make blatant and insulting comments in the article. When you find one, ask yourself how you can go about making funny in a subtle, parodical way. I have given you a couple of suggestions on how to go about doing that, but I leave you with the task of carrying out the procedure. |
| Reviewer: | S3ahawk 05:53, August 15, 2010 (UTC) 05:52, August 15, 2010 (UTC) | |