Well? Is it really that bad?
Thatdamnedfollowspot Wait, what were we talking about again? 14:43, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
I'm doing this, whatever the weather is. Give me 24 hours as I can't do it right now. --Some Idiot 
08:22, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour:
|
7
|
In this section I'm going to go through each section and tell you what's good and bad and what you can improve.
- Introduction: Good, but after the bit about throwing darts, go into more detail about how this is what weathermen do.
- Why Predict the Weather? You asked this question twice and answered it twice differently, which doesn't sound very good. Maybe add the second paragraph to the first? Also, you mentioned in the introduction that no one wants to work, so when you tell them to get a job, shouldn't you mention that? I also think you should build on this article a bit more. How do you actually make the money? It's not as if, as soon as you predict the weather, money falls out of the sky, is it? (Or is it? Maybe it's the weather gods!)
- Step 1: Good, but the third paragraph is only truly funny when you click the links to Wikipedia, American and You. I think you may need to make the last line a bit funnier and snappier because of this. ‘Some people are just too lazy to give a damn’ or something similar. With the different types of weather: detail apocalyptic stuff from 2012/Day After Tomorrow style, but mention that it may be hard to predict them because they only happen in stupid Hollywood movies, and everyone knows how unpredictable THEY are.
- Step 2: Considering this is the main idea of the article, it’s way too short. Plus you’ve already told us you predict the weather by throwing darts. I think you should build on this section more. What are you actually throwing the dart at? A dartboard? Where can you get these? How has this been developed for richer people? In the future, will there be laser guns instead of darts? Flesh out your concept here and do everything you can.
- Step 3: Good, and too short for me to make any big suggestions.
|
| Concept:
|
7
|
Good concept, but you still haven’t used it to its full potential, as this article is very short. Your main joke (the one about the fact that weatherman don’t actually predict the weather), showed itself once in the introduction and never returned. You should not only build on your sections as I have detailed, but even create a Step 4: Presenting Your ‘Findings’ and show how to create your own weather show, present your work to make it look as if you’ve actually studied the weather, and how to steal data and ideas from rival weather stations. Brainstorm and just try to make this article longer.
|
| Prose and formatting:
|
8
|
You had a continuous chatty style of prose throughout the article, and you’ve done it very well. Your links are good, there are no visible spelling mistakes, and your article looks good overall. I’d only give a ten to an article like this, so the fact that your article is short, your pictures are only average and there are two small points (detailed below) about formatting takes a nine down to an eight.
- In the introduction, when the ‘reader’ actually says something, don’t put a dot point in front of them, or do an indent on the next line. It doesn’t look good. There is a also a prose problem here. The entire article you are narrating, but then once (and only once) the reader makes a comment. Unless they are going to do that throughout the article, it isn't really good. I think you should make the narrator actually say it, and it finish it with a '...you may ask'. This will mean only the narrator will speak, and it will actually make the snappy retort from the narrator funnier.
- The first image and the HowTo template are squashed together. If it was two images I would just recommend you move the second image down, but as it is this template, it doesn’t look good anywhere but the top or the bottom. I think I have an answer below, though…
|
| Images:
|
4
|
Well, they’re ok, and they fit with the article, but they’re not exactly funny.
- The First: Is just a picture of weather AND it’s not a thumbnail (which in my opinion doesn’t fit in). I think you should get a picture of some freak storm/tsunami/tornado and label it ‘This is weather. Not very common weather, but weather nonetheless’. Then move it down to the ‘Step 1’ and you can also solve the problem of the HowTo template, and move it up to the top.
- The Second: It’s really as simple as throwing a dart? But what at? For all we know he’s trying to throw it his enemy weatherman. In other words, change the caption (and maybe make it funnier while you have the chance).
- The Third: The caption is actually for the Step 2 paragraph, and doesn’t fit in with the actual picture. Make a funnier one liner.
I don’t think you need any more pictures at the moment, as it will make your article very cramped, but if you make it longer that will definitely give you a chance to add one or two more, and also spread them out so they correspond with the paragraphs they are next to.
|
| Miscellaneous:
|
6.5
|
Averaged your scores. Oh, and add some quotes. A well written quote is always a gem.
|
| Final Score:
|
32.5
|
This is very well written and a very good idea, but you can still build on it in the ways I have mentioned. Actually, for your first article it’s fantastic. Keep up the good work!
|
| Reviewer:
|
--Some Idiot 22:07, August 7, 2010 (UTC)
|
08:22, August 7, 2010 (UTC)