Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Go in Heaven
HowTo:Go in Heaven[edit source]
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Mimorianusa (talk) • (stalk) 16:28, February 15, 2011 (UTC)
- I GOT THIS! --
21:07, February 15, 2011 (UTC)
- I won't be able to finish this on time. I'll still do it, but not on time. Sorry. -- 20:42, February 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Doing this now. -- 22:11, February 17, 2011 (UTC)
- Doing this now. --
- I won't be able to finish this on time. I'll still do it, but not on time. Sorry. --
| Humour: | 7 | Okay, the humor in this is pretty good. There are a couple of rough patches, but they're easy fixes.
So the introduction (the one above the table of contents, not the one titled Introduction) is a bit brief. I would suggest you remove the section titled "Τhe terms of going to heaven" and meld it into the introduction. Because really, Τhe terms of going to heaven is also short, but if you were to mix them together it'll make a fine introduction. So the first thing is the name of the first section (which is spelled Introduction by the way). I really don't think that name fits. The introduction is the part above the table of contents. You should probably rename it. Maybe something along the lines of "No more fun", "Cut the sex" or "Choose: Fun or Heaven". Now, as for the humor in "Introduction", I love it. I will say though that some of the best jokes fall flat merely because of wording. Like the whole joke with meeting Jesus, Mary, Buddha and Allah, it was kind of an awkward sentence. I had to read it a couple of times in order to get the joke. I believe it would work better if it was worded something like this: "But in the end you will be able to meet Jesus, Mary, and all those other guys associated with Buddhism, Allahism and Christianity." Like I said, you don't have to use that exact wording, but it needs to be changed. And then that whole "he went to hell too" thing was a bit confusing. It just seemed to go on and on. I would remove that joke if I were you, it wasn't that funny anyway. Prepare: Er... It's pretty good. But I felt like it was missing something. Like the thing about not being burnt after death, I think you should tell the readers why. Not really sure what you would say, but it just needs something. OK, you are now in heaven: Actually a pretty good wrap up. But I really didn't like when you said how it wasn't your problem after talking about how hard it is to find people in heaven. I just felt like it was your problem an you should've talked about it more. The same thing happens after you talk about how there are many things to do in heaven. The only other problem I have is that the last section seems to come rater abruptly. I feel like there should be some kind of section in between the second to last and the last section. |
| Concept: | 9 | Have you read HowTo:Go into the light? Same idea here, but yours has a different concept. As in yours seems to talk more casually, and is a bit sillier. Both concepts make for a good article. I find it really interesting that there are two articles that could theoretically be exactly the same, but are so different. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | I found a couple mistakes.
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| Images: | 8 | The images are good, the only problem I have is that the caption on this:
 Image is a bit awkward. And not overly funny. Maybe something like "Make sure you go the right way". Okay, that's actually pretty stupid, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.75 | Your score averaged. |
| Final Score: | 38.75 | This is actually a really great article. It needs some work, but I think it could be featured. Anyway, sorry this took me so long. |
| Reviewer: | -- 02:34, February 18, 2011 (UTC)
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